Enjoying my tub!

I forgot to post these pictures, but after our night of rare moment cleaning, we discovered just how well my tub can make bubbles!! I squirted just a normal amount of bubbles...when I turned on the jet, those bubbles went crazy! I literally had to turn it off to keep them from overflowing the tub! The girls had their bath first...and their bubbles were cool. Then, when Noah was finally finished cleaning, he wanted one too. I turned on the button and left the room...when I came back...WOW! I couldn't believe the bubbles he had! It is a lot of fun....but, you literally have to get in the shower to get the bubbles off b/c they will never disapear!

Library

My kids and I have really enjoyed going to the library since moving to Little Rock. The libraries are so nice here! Our apartment was literally right beside a brand new library, we have been to the main library downtown...(that one was cool!) and we now go to the one here in Maumelle. It doesn't have quite as big of a kid selection, but we are really enjoying the library program. After we check our books out, we have to go out the back door....it leads to this deck....by this little pond/lake. People fish out here, and there is a little play area...and a nice gazebo dock. Wednesday, there were some Canadian Geese out in the water, and we had a great time getting to see those.

Rachel LOVES to collect feathers anytime we are near some....she will spend a really long time picking them up....and clutches them like they are true treasures!
Have I ever mentioned how moody Rachel is? She will go from the cheesiest smile, to the meanest look! I kept saying, let me take a picture of your feathers...and it really made her mad! She didn't want my camera in her face....I guess I can't blame her!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I did post a big one complaining a couple of days ago....but I deleted that. I was complaining about my husband...which hasn't done anything wrong....really complaining about myself...and asking for prayers b/c I have really been struggling lately.

I have been super busy unpacking, and getting more stuff from the apartment...I hate moving, and hope we won't be doing it again for awhile! I am just about to get settled...and am so ready for that!

losing my mind......

O.k....I thought about it, and I am going to republish this post. I just felt bad b/c I didn't want it to appear that I am mad at Clay. I love him very much....this is really all about my own craziness!

Do you ever have those days....I mean weeks where you are in a permanent bad mood?? I do...it seems to last a week or 2 at a time...and most of the hostility is directed toward my husband. There is nothing he does to set me off.....but everything he does drives me insane! I hate that I get this way...it is not fair to him at all. He really is a very patient man, and puts up with a lot. I wonder how I would feel if 2 weeks out of every month he acted like he hated my guts?? Not very good. I pray about it....to please change my attitude, and some days it really works.

My husband quitting his job to join me full time at home.....has really rocked my world. Now, I am not going to pretend that I was sane before....I wasn't. But, I felt like I sorta had it together. You know, on the weekend, when your husband is at home and all day long you seem to run around...from one thing to the next....answering to your kids...pretending to be nice to him...trying to stay on top of your game......Well, that is me.....every day of my life! You know how when your husband is at home, even if you are glad to have him around....the entire atmosphere is different?? Or, how about how it is so hard to be on the phone when he is at home. Or....you know....you are trying to clean house, chase after screaming kids....and he suddenly wants to come up and hug and kiss you....or get right in your face??? That is me....everyday!! Now, I will say, he does not try to be as affectionate toward me anymore b/c I have scared him off....(probaby also b/c I purposely wear my nightgown all day, or don't wash my hair...that is me saying, LEAVE ME ALONE!)

Or, you get everything just where you want it in the kitchen....then he comes along and cooks, or cleans...and the next time you are in there, you can't find anything?? Happens to me every week. Oh, and you know, I have been trying to decorate our house....and he normally acts like he don't care....uninterested when I try to talk to him about it. And you know, he is around all the time, so you know I talk to him about it a lot...and his response is always....I don't care whatever....or Why do you even need curtains there! And then, after I get things just the way I think I want them....he will seem to throw some comment in there.....and ruin it all for me! Yesterday we got in a spat regarding putting the leaf in our dining table or not. I want it....he thinks it is too crowded! URGH!

I just feel like I can't make any decision at all for myself anymore. I just want it to me be, at home, taking care of my family, with him at work until 5 everyday. That is selfish of me to feel that way, and I know it. He is so happy being at home...he loves it, and is so involved in the kid's life. Me, on the other hand...am a total basket case, and can't pull myself out of the deep hole I have fallen in. Our situation is not going to change anytime soon. I mention getting a job, and the whole family says... NO, we want you at home with us! I don't know why they would want this crabby old woman here! I hate the person I have become, seriously! I am a grouch, ALL THE TIME these days.

Today, I got up...and couldn't stand the sight of him....literally. I didn't want to face another day with him right there....all day long. I leave the house when I can, but there are things here that I need to get done, and I want to be here, just not have him here too! So, I just grumbled something, went in the bedroom, and locked the door, and went back to bed for 2 hrs....It was literally b/c that is all I could stand to do!

So, the kids are at the neighbors right now, and Clay said he was leaving for a little while to give me some time to myself. You see, he will leave, and only after I have gotten so horrible, I can't stand myself. I can't believe that I am typing this out on my blog....I am not sure who all even reads this. But just know, I am not bashing my husband at all....he is a wonderful husband, really. I am bashing myself....the monster I have become, and I desperately want to change.

So, I am asking for everyone to please pray for me! Please pray that I can learn to be happy in our home with my husband everyday. Pray that I can get my groove back and feel like I can function again. I honestly don't even recognize myself. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. Everything in my life that I have to do just absolutely irritates me. I have to totally fake it when I am nice to him or even the kids. I love them so much, and am so scared I am warping them with my constant grouchiness.

Rare moment update.....

***UPDATE*** in response to Brandy and Shelley.....seriously last night while Noah and I were washing dishes together he goes...." Mom, you know, we could do this for a JOB! We could get people to pay us to go clean their houses!".......So.... we are thinking about renting him out....how much you think he is worth?



So....Noah was like a madman with his cleaning last night! He came running out after I finished my blog and said come see! So, at 9 p.m. (when the should have been in the bed) He had made up everyone's bed and cleaned both bedrooms and the playroom. He is so funny when he gets in those cleaning moods. Clay said at one point....he was in the kichen making up a song....." I am going to earn $20 so I can go to Build A Bear and buy me a turtle!" I had told him he could earn money for that, but it would take a while.

So he finally said he was exhausted about 10:30. He is just like me...that is when I get my burst of energy too! But, today, I haven't been able to get him to lift a finger! I knew that is how he would be.

The girl's Room

Noah's room
The playroom....(the first time you can see the floor since we moved in!)
Leah washing dishes
Leah posing with her pan!
Rachel cleaning....very hard to get her to do!
This one cracks me up....notice the way she is holding her mouth trying to scrub that table!
Noah Sweeping

Rare moment......

I was in the kitchen....hadn't said a word to my kids....and Noah suddenly comes in and wants to help me clean the kitchen.....then Leah starts fighting with him to help...then Rachel started in too. So....I simply suggested assignments for them.....and all 3 of them cooperated!! I had to get my camera, and tell Clay to come look! I will post the pics later after I load my camera. But at the same time....

Leah was washing dishes
Noah was sweeping
Rachel was wiping off the table

WOW! Now, the girls have lost interest, but Noah is running around like a crazed animal...he has cleaned his room and the girls room....I think he is working on the play room now......when he gets in his cleaning moods....he wears me out!! And.....he reminds me of myself when I am in a cleaning mood! Maybe that is a good trait for a boy to have?!?!?!?

Enjoying our back yard!

I wonder if Clay had of known I was putting this picture on my blog if he would have looked any more excited to have his pic taken?? Our first meal off his grill...those chicken/veggie kabobs were yummy!

If I had of realized this was my only day to take pics of them doing this before it tore up, I might would have gotten off of my lazy behind and gotten my good camera out and gotten some closeups of them doing this.....they sure were having fun!

This is not the first time we have had a back yard, but it has been awhile, so we are enjoying it!! The kids loved their triple lane slip and slide.....the one day they played on it before it got a hole where the hose screws in!! Clay got him a grill, and he has cooked for us the last 3 nights some delicious meals!! I am loving it!

Reading my bible update.....

Sorry it has taken me a few more days to get to posting this....but you know, moving...keeping caught up with work....life....I just couldn't compose my thoughts!

Let me just say....Having someone buy you a book and mail it to you with the stipulation that you must read it everyday and tell someone about it......that is a great motivator for me b/c I honestly felt super guilty to not read it!! I did forget one night...and then I placed it by my bed...and I just couldn't say my prayer at night without having read my bible first. Now, I will honestly say that a few nights, my eyes were crossing as I was reading, and only had a quick thought before crashing...but it is such a great feeling to know I have read my bible every night. I will also honestly say this is the most consistant I have ever read it.

Now, my next goal is to make myself a time of quiet during the day so that I can really make myself study it, not just read it. Also, Jeff, thank you for the advice on reading Psalms/Proverbs. I do for sure need direction with my bible study.

Which brings me to another thought. As a teenager, and also in college, I was very devoted to attending church services. I attend almost every activity that was going on....I even remember the time I went on a mission trip harrassing many of our group until they agreed to go. I was right up in the middle of all that went on. I thought at the time that I was really close to God because I attended church so frequently. Most of my friends were from church, and that is who I hung out with. That is how Clay and I grew up together. After we were married, we both got discouraged, and quit attending regularly. This made me question a lot of my beliefs. I developed a bad attitude towards church, and was resentful that I didn't have the friends there that I used to....which I realize now was nobody's fault but my own. Now, as I look back on that, I realize that a majority of my church attending was socialization. For a few years now, I have longed to have that back...I feel that it is really missing from my life. But, I see now, that so much was missing from my relationship with God.

I have been blessed in so many ways in my life. I can see how God has worked in the friendships I have had throughout the years....also the relationship with my husband. I think it is so awesome to say that I met him at church when I was 11 years old....we were in the youth group together when I was 13...became friends....he is in so many of my memories growing up, and now we have 3 beautiful children together. I could go on and on about that.

But, I want to say, God really blessed me when he allowed my paths to cross with Becky Gustafson. I met her b/c she found my name in the phone book and wanted maternity pictures. I then later, when thinking about homeschooling, thought of her out of the blue and e-mailed her. She instantly became a friend. Invited me to join her cooking club. I met some of the nicest, most genuine people there....Rene & Brandy. I used to tell my friend that I loved cook group so much because it was a group of ladies getting together, and they never had a bad thing to say about anyone...but you could share how you felt, and they were so encouraging and uplifting. Also what caught my attention about all 3 women was their faith and love for God. It was honestly something I had never seen before in all my years of faithfully attending church. Or maybe I just didn't know how to look at the time...who knows.

Rene told me about play group...I only attended once, but met Suzanne (joyful chaos) and also K.T.....which I remembered her from school. Today my children and I went and played with Suzanne and her children and had the best time! I was so excited...through all of my struggles after moving....I have found a friend that has had the same struggles with moving. K.T. is so loyal to always comment on my blog....and says the nicest and most encouraging things. I have so enjoyed reading Shelley's blog.....I discovered it through K.T.'s site, and even though I knew Shelley, I didn't realize she now has a beautiful website for her photography, and I have really loved watching her family's "journey" as they have found their church home....and it is because of Shelley that I have my new Bible.

I was also so excited to see Lisa Burley's blog pop up one day through Brandy's. I have known Lisa and her family for a really long time, I just didn't know she had a blog. She has such a beautiful spirit....and I wish I had allowed myself to get to know her better when we attended church together. She is such an encouragement to me now...in seeing the great job she has done in raising her children, and by reading her blog and seeing the way she glorifies God.

Hmmm I have gone a long way around the world with this post huh?? I guess I am just trying to say, that through my struggles to figure out my relationship with God, I have met some of the most awesome people, that have taught me what true faith in God is....and the power of prayer. I pray in a different way now, and more frequently than I ever have in my life. Clay says I am obsessed with blogs...lalala.....but he doesn't realize the spiritual journey it has taken me on. Even as I have been reading my bible this past week....I am finding a new understanding of things.

So, Jeff wanted me to tell someone what I have learned from reading my Bible. Hmmm I can't think of a specific right now besides what I have posted before...I do know I have shared several things with Clay that I have read. And I intend on sharing things as I go along. But....as you see the journey my life has taken me on....to even have Jeff send the Bible to me......that has been a tremendous learning experience. I thank God so much for the awsome people I have met the last couple of years and the way it has encouraged me. I do remember when I was in college meeting Jeff one time and hearing the nicest things about him from A.J., one of my high school and college friends. I have a picture from graduation of A.J. and Jamie...K.T.'s husband. I can remember us all eating lunch together our Sr. year.

O.K....I guess everyone realizes by now that I am up alone, late at night writing this post. I will leave you with my reading for tonight. I thought it was the 17th, but I am a day early. (even though the post says Friday, it is now Saturday a.m.)Anyway, I read Psalms 17, and then skipped over to Psalms 37. Verse 39 and 40, the last 2 verses read.... " The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them: he delivers tehm from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him." This verse reminds me of everyone I have mentioned in this post, and many more people I have seen through them. I encourage everyone reading this to read Psalms 37 to see how your faithfulness will be blessed.

Oh, and in reading the correct passage for the day, Psalms 16:8 says "I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Reading my bible.....

We are about to turn the computer off to move it and will be without internet for a couple of days. Thank you Jeff for keeping me in check on my Bible reading. I did well with it. I will post and undate in a few days when I am able to!

We have a house!

I am so excited to say that we have found us a house in Maumelle. I LOVE this house!! We are just renting it, but it is a dream come true! Everything is so nice, and there is so much space and storage! We are moving our furniture tomorrow. I am surprised at myself that I am a little sad to be leaving this apartment. I never thought I would say that b/c I have been pretty miserable since we moved here...not sure why it has affected me so bad except it is a lot of people in a small place! I am always sad to leave a place that we have made mermories as a family. I am just a sentimental person. The kids have made a lot of friends here, and I think that adds to my sadness. BUT...there are a ton of kids living close to this new house, so I don't think they will be at a loss for playmates.

I don't think I mind renting forever if I get to live here!! The price of houses is just so high here, and we had our share of owning a home when we had ours in Warren, so we aren't in any hurry to buy a house. I am ready to get settled down in this house. They will have to kick up out! Look, we actually have a garage!! We have never had a garage! I am so excited to have found a house this nice to rent!

I love love this kitchen! There are 5 drawers in her instead of the 2 in our apartment! A side by side refrigerator.....my frozen food won't fall out on my head anymore!

This huge rock is in our front yard. I think it is pretty cool, but it may be in the way of moving tomorrow.
This is the view from our front yard. That is Pinnacle Mountain in the distance. It seems really quiet and peaceful in the neigborhood.

This is one of my favorite things about the house. I was excited moving to our apartment b/c it had a garden tub, but this one is a jetted bubling tub! It is really deep! I have already tried it out, and I LOVE it! I was lying there thinking of the days when I was pregnant and my back was killing me, and I could barely get in and out of our tub.....the tiniest one I have ever seen!

This is one of TWO walk in closets in the master bedroom! I am so excited! I told Clay that I finally have a spot in the house that is my VERY OWN, and I don't have to share with anyone!! He told me I better just move me a chair and T.V. in there with me! (You see, he has found me hiding in our bedroom closet before...it is the only place here that I can get away from everyone where they can't find me!)

Leah's Birthday

I think Leah ended up having a great birthday! We didn't have an actual party, but I took her Over the Hedge cake down to the pool and she got to share it with friends and swim for 3 hours....it seemed like a party to her!


This is her opening her presents that morning. Can you tell she has Pink Eye in both eyes? (I didn't know at the time)

When the man was building her dog, she wouldn't even talk to him....acted real goofy.....then I had my camera out, and he goes...smile for the camera....and she did! I guess it takes being scared for someone for her to cooperate!
She named her dog.... Da Da All of our build a bear animals have the goofiest names. She bought him a shrek donkey costume.
My mom came to visit on Saturday and babysit while we worked, and then Sunday after church, we went to the mall and mom took Leah to Build a Bear as her present. Then, we had Dipping Dots afterwards....Noah is making a gross face!!

Leah is 5 today!!!!

Well, these pictures seem to not be in chronological order.....but here she is....my first born daughter! She was born June 5, 2002. She came out with a head full of black hair....(the total opposite of Noah's blond no hair). She was such a good baby from the very beginning. She slept so good the first night, my mom and I kept waking up to check on her in the hospital....then, she slept between Clay and me all night long the first night home....very different from our first night home with Noah. I can remember us both waking up looking at each other saying, "is she o.k." b/c she slept so well. The Lord knew that I needed a good baby. Noah was only 10 months old when she was born.

She inherited Clay's beautiful brown eyes, as did Rachel too, and I was so happy for that!! Leah is so caring to her brother and sister...she definately is the middle child! She has quite the flair for drama, but is also our number one rule follower. She is smart, and loves to learn. I love her so much and am so proud of her! I was really sad today that she is growing up so fast! We had a great day, and I will have to post pictures of our day on here later.

Happy Birthday Leah Nicole!