The tale of a falling girl

When we were looking at our current home to rent, we discussed that it might be dangerous to move to a home with stairs....not b/c of the kids, or soon to be walking baby, but b/c of me. I am very clumsy. I have had a few close calls, such as when I get to the top where 3 steps curve and there is no railing, and also when I used to carry baby T...who was very heavy, and required two arms to carry him, I almost fell once then. But, I have luckily escaped a fall everytime.

Our bedroom is downstairs, the babies are upstairs. I go up those stairs a few times each night. Each night cussing those stairs, and thinking it is a miracle that I make them up and down in my sleepy state, in the dark without falling. I am even extra careful, getting to the bottom and holding to the railing and feeling with my toe to make sure I am at the bottom. Not last night. Last night, I forgot. I thought I was at the bottom, no I wasn't, but got there very quickly...with a loud thump. Right down on my knee. You know, we have office carpet, and that can make the worst carpet burn.

I heard Clay say..."you o.k.?" but he never came to check on me. I dragged myself up to sit on the stairs...I could feel every limb in my body start to hurt....b/c not to say my weight, but that is a lot of pounds to come down on a knee and flail about. As I sat there, with my knee burning and throbbing, all sorts of angry thoughts went through my brain. I was angry that we have stairs, I was angry that I had the stupid idea to move our bedroom downstairs...(this was in a week when the babies were both sleeping through the night). Even though we are moving in a week and a half, it wasn't good enough at the time. I was a little offended that Clay didn't even try to get up to see if I was alive. I could hear Z humming upstairs...meaning it would be a long while before he went back to sleep. I was unhappy that when I went in there to see about him, baby C popped his head up and grinned at me...yes it was cute, but I figured he would be next. Then I was just angry at myself for not being more careful. I then kept thinking about the fact that b/c of Z's FAS, he doesn't sleep well, and probably never will. Then my thoughts went to his momma....thinking about how it was all her fault that he has FAS and can't sleep at night. All the while, I was fighting back tears b/c of the pain I was in, and the frustration of it all. I tell ya....I/it was a mess.

He didn't go back to sleep...I had to drag myself back upstairs again an hour later, another hour later I finally ran myself a hot bath b/c I was in too much pain to go to sleep. Then 2 hrs later, when Clay got up, I could hear that Zachariah was still awake. Which proceeded in meltdowns over cake he dug out of the trash, and a bouncing off the wall baby in his first Sensory therapy session. Which, that last part may have been a good thing....b/c she had first told me on the phone she may not could help me, but after seeing him today, she gave me some tips, and told me to come back in 3 weeks.

And my knee is still burning from that silly carpet burn!! The good news.....nothing is broken!!!