Happy 8 years to us!!

To my very best friend in the whole world.....I love you with all my heart! Here's to many more happy years together!!

I am starting to chicken out......

Tomorrow I am suppose to register the kids for school. As time gets closer and closer, Clay and I are both voicing our second thoughts. Our life is going to change drastically when school starts. Our neighbor told us it will take 40 mins to travel the 15 mins to get to school. I keep thinking back to the days when Noah and Leah were in preschool. How they would just fight when the got home from school. Noah stayed sick with his asthma half the year b/c every little cold he was exposed to made his breathing horrible. The things they would come home and say, their behaviors....became very different, and I didn't like it.

Today Noah played with the neighbor and again, I was reminded of the innocence that he has, and will probably lose once exposed to everything at school. His friend was quit different, and I know that is not all a reflection on school, it just reminded me of things I observed when he was in preschool. I am so fearful that he will lose that joy that he has in life, as he becomes aware of other kids that don't get excited about those things, and he learns what it means to be self conscious. I compare his interaction today, with the way my kids interact with Suzanne's kids. When mine play with hers, there is such an innocence. I have never seen them fight, or be selfish towards each other...you don't have to worry about teaching each other bad habits...(at least I HOPE my kids haven't been teaching Suzanne's kids anything bad!!)

I know I can't shelter my kids forever......but I just want to allow them to enjoy life a little longer. And, I have also realized throughout the summer, that my kids have learned much more than I thought I had taught them, and that, I am proud of. Clay just flat out told me tonight that he doesn't want them to go to school. I honestly feel that way too. Because I have allowed myself to find some peace, I have honestly been able to handle things around here better lately. I just am afraid it is giving me a false sense of confidence. What if I flip out again mid school year, and wish I hadn't inflicted this life on my kids??

I know our lifestyle is not like most people's. Friday, as people end the work week, we are gearing up for a major event. We usually take the kids to Monticello then so that we can have a quiet evening to prepare ourselves for the next day. We are at work on Saturday's, when most people are off. We work so hard that day, we are dead to the world on Sunday. The kids get to enjoy quailty time with their grandmothers on this weekend, and we get to miss them so that we are glad to all be back together Sunday afternoon. If our kids are in school all week....what are our weekends going to be like?? I know how Monday morning will be for me taking them to school. I will not like it one bit. We have our family time during the week....and despite the craziness I have felt, I know my family is stronger for the time we have spent together. I see how my children interact with each other, and with other people, and I see I have taught them valuable things. I just don't know if I am ready to turn them over to someone else to teach them. (and yes, I know Rachel still has a lot to learn in how to treat someone....any of you that have met her!!) I know my children have learned to treat each other kindly, and are very close, and I hate to leave Rachel behind from that. I feel that Leah and Noah always been grouped together is going to push her further away from them.

Please say a prayer for our family tonight.......that I will make the right decision.

Noah turned 6!

Yesterday, July 27th, Noah had his 6th Birthday. Noah is my oldest. He is sensitive, and thoughtful, and I can always count on him to love life! He always gets excited about everything we do. His smile lights up his whole face, and his laugh and giggle are so genuine. He makes friends everywhere he goes. Oh, and lets not forget, he is my little organizer and cleaner!

I had much more to say, but this is my 2nd attempt at this post, so I am going to end before something messes up.

Happy Birthday to my little man!

Blanket Update....

nSo...Rachel finally understands that I mean business! I think her behavior has improved! She earned her blanket back the next day before bedtime....and since then, all I have to do is threaten one time about the blanket, and her behavior changes. So, for now, I have found something that works! Now....I will have to enjoy that for a bit...and then determine how I can get her to stop sucking her thumb and wean her off that blanket.

On another note.....the night we were trying to get Rachel to go to bed without the blanket, I moved Leah's mattress into the playroom so she could sleep. She liked it so much, she has claimed that room as her own....and I mean, she has claimed it! So, the girls have always bickered, but now...it is "GET OUT OF MY ROOM" all the time, from both of them! I told them if they didn't quit, I was moving them back together! And also.....Leah keeps declaring NO BOYS ALLOWED! So she keeps hurting Noah's feelings. So, we've gotta set some rules about that. Noah has always been so kind to them about coming in his room. It is kinda funny.....b/c she has never been excited about anything before...but she loves her new room, and she didn't even want her own room when we moved, I kept asking her, and no, she wanted to stay with Rachel. She and I are having fun planning her zebra themed room....I will have to post pics when I get done.

This cracks me up.....

So...I am up late tonight, watching WOrlds funniest commercials.....and this one was on. http://veryfunnyads.com/ads/24794.html I can't quit laughing b/c I keep picturing my son....the jumper.....a few years from now! I am sure I am just tired.....but this is just so funny to me! Keep watching....I know it starts out with a woman getting in a hot tub. I can just see it now!

starting something.....I HAVE to finish!

Tonight, Rachel is going to bed without her blanket. Her blanket that is attached to her almost like skin. I was attached to a blanket as a child in the same way, and I remember how devasted I was to be without my blanket. I have always taken up for her about her blanket b/c I do know what it feels like.

So.......why have I taken it away from her?? I am desperate. I have tried everything I know to get her to behave. She acts so ugly to everyone in this family and we have tried just about everything we can think of to correct the behavior. Tonight, on the way home from the movie...now this would be after we'd had a few battles in the day about her behavior. She hit Leah. For no reason. Leah was screaming....while we were driving down the interstate. Clay pulled over.....and everyone got dead quiet as to not get a spanking...( you know...at night on the interstate....pulling off abrutly.....is pretty scary) So we proceeded.....everything quiet....and then, for no reason again, Rachel rared back ready to hit Leah again. I got on to her and told her she would be in trouble when we got home.....she then hit Leah with the blanket.....and then hit me in the back of the head with the blanket.

She hasn't gotten the blanket back from that point. I have really had all I can take with her behavior. I know she is seeking attention....but even when we try to give her positive attention, she is so ugly to us. When we got home, I took her to her room and we had a long talk. I hugged her a bunch, and told her how much all of us love her.....but until she could go a whole day and be nice to us, she couldn't have her blanket back. So far it has been an hour since we started bedtime.....she is still not asleep.... I know at this point....I have to win. She and I sat down and said a prayer before I left her room that God would keep her safe b/c she is scared without her blanket....and then, that she would be nice tomorrow so she could get it back. I hope this won't backfire on me....but no matter what, she is not getting her blanket back. Dr Phil says you have to find their currency...well....this is it.

These photos were taken by my friend Kelly Haynes in Star City Easter of 06 I think. She stripped down her cute Easter dress...and wrapped herself in the blanket.

Nice little surprises.....

So, this week begins our first in a while to really make ourselves stick to a budget. We have to...we have been too relaxed with our spending.....too long. So, after buying our school supplies, and eating out a couple of times....we didn't have a lot of grocery money. Well....we did good at the store, and came out with $5 left. So...that was just enough for the $1 movie in North Little Rock. So, the 5 of us headed out to spend our last $5 for the week.....and we got there....and guess what?? Monday nights, groups over 3, get in for FIFTY CENTS! Woo Hoo! We left there with $2.50 to spare!!

Slip N Slide

Did you ever have a slip n slide as a child? I didn't, but I remember my neighbor got one, and the first time I got to play on it. I was probaby about Noah's age...and it was such a fun day. We slid all day long! My stomach was so sore, but I didn't care. We slid so long....we had a huge mud puddle at the end....and that was cool too! I think that was the only day I ever played on his slip-n-slide....I imagine that his mom didn't want a bunch of kids back over there after that.....but as I look at the joy in my kids faces....I remember the joy I had that day....and I know just how much fun they are having! Ain't it great to be a kid????

This one was taken of Leah....as she sprayed me right in the camera! That would explain why she isn't in any of the other pictures....she got sent in the house!

And the baby is......

Thanks Brandy for reminding me! I totally forgot about telling you who the baby was. It is Rachel! Brandy and Shelley.....you are better then my own family! I will have to get on my laptop to post a baby pic of each girl to show a comparison You are right....it is the eyes, and the shape of the head. Leah has larger rounder eyes, and a rounder face...but they did look a lot a like. You know, I have people tell me in the store that they think the girls look just alike....and only at times do they look alike to me. I think Rachel honestly looks more like Noah than Rachel, and nobody has ever said that. I would say that Rachel looks the most like me as a child. And Leah looks the most like Clay, only he had very light colored hair...maybe even lighter than Noah's.

pics of the kids

Clay was playing around with his lights today, and tooks these of the kids. I am proud of of my entire family for these!

Blessings......

I haven't posted in a couple of days, b/c my brain has really been spinning this week. Thoughts of school...and other things too. But this week, I am happy to report, these are positive thoughts. Thank you to wonderful friends for your words of encouragment and e-mails....they have helped me more than you can ever know. I no longer feel angry and frustrated. I have spents much time in prayer, and also in reflection to advice I have been given. As I have said before, everyone that posts on here...are such a blessing to me, and your words of encouragement and advice are uplifting. This is the most peace I have felt in a long time.

As one very wise woman said to me....I am now looking as myself as a servant to my family....that is my job. God gave them to me for me to take care of. I am not stressing now about when will I get my me time. She really hit the nail on the head. That is what was making me so miserable! I was in a bad mood b/c I was spending my whole day thinking about me me me...how tired I am, the things I want to do and can't. Now that I am "getting over myself", my attitude has changed. And you know what?? I do still have me time, but now I can relax and feel like I deserve it b/c I have served my family first. Now, I admit, I haven't made this transition perfectly, and am still selfish at times, but I am making improvements. I know with God's help, I will continue to get better and better about this.

Last night, I was talking to Clay, and I said, you probably haven't noticed, but I have really been trying to be better, and praying about it to. And he said....well you still aren't too nice to me...(yes, I do still need to work on that! But I wish he would too! ha ha and I have been nice to him today) But Noah overheard me and said.....oh momma, I have noticed.....you have been acting so good lately! I gave him the biggest hug!

Everyday, I am going over my blessings in my mind...and I know I am so blessed. I wonder often why have been so blessed b/c I haven't appreciated it the way I should, and I don't feel like I have lived for God enough to deserve it. Well....I am really trying to change that too.

Tagged by Jenny....

So, I am late to the game...but just noticed that I was tagged by Jenny, so here goes...

1.) I met my husband when I was 11 yrs old
2.) He took me on my first date....except it was not with him...(I will tell that story on our anniversary next month)
3.) I was born in Nashville, Tennessee in the hospital where all the country stars go
4.) I was an art major for 2 years in college
5.) Everyone in my house is quiet right now.....WOW!
6.) Clay named Noah. I didn't like that name until I realized John Carter, on ER's real name is Noah Wiley
7.) I have a collection of Barbies...they are all packed up now, but most of what I played with as a kid....I know I have over 200...and my girls don't even like Barbies
8.) I have never had a speeding ticket....( I hope I didn't just jinx myself!)

Spelling...

Well, I just realized to mispelled Kindgarten everytime I wrote it in the last post.....so....maybe I need to go back to school with my kids and learn how to spell!

And thank you for your comments and advice, that is exactly what I was looking for!

Preschool or Not......

O.K....you know how I have struggled deciding on school/homeschooling.....well now I am trying to decide on sending Rachel to preschool this year. Her birthday is Sept 2, and she will be ready to start Kindergarden next year. O.k...here is my problem. I have been told that they MIGHT change the cutoff date to September 1st, meaning she won't be eligable for school until the following year. If she went to preschool this yr, then she would be allowed to go to kindergarden next year anyway. Now, what I am unsure of, but think I know the answer.....If they didn't change the cutoff date...but I wanted to hold her back, would she be able to go to preschool next year, even if she were eligible for kindergarden? I am not opposed at all to letting her wait until she is 6 to start school. She just acts younger than my other 2.

Have I lost you yet? Well, my next problem is this. Do I want her to be home by herself this year? Noah and Leah both went to preschool when they were 3 and 4...and even though they were home a year, I feel like they are more prepared for school this year and are looking excited to it. Also, while Rachel was gone...she was SO bored! I do think she would do better this time around at home with us. Don't let this photo of her deceive you. Anyone that knows her, knows she has the most unique personality......and is not very sociable. She needs social skills more than any of my other 2 kids ever needed.

I have had some people say, (and I think this is how Clay feels too) if she is home this next year and gets 1:1 parent time, it might help her, b/c she acts the way she does b/c she is seeking attention. The way our life has been....all 3 of them kinda do everything together.....and it breaks my heart....for the other 2 kids to not get to have 1:1 mommy time...while she gets to have it. Does that make sense? I kinda just want to have all 3 of them start school together...so nobody gets more of my attention than the other. Rachel doesn't want to go to school. And I KNOW it will be a struggle for her and me both at first. She says she wants to go if she can be in Leah's class. They could probably be at the same school, but not class.

Oh, decisions, decisions! I have until August 1st....school registration to decide. Oh, and when we moved here to Maumelle, I was so excited to see that the school was only 3 mins away....and quiet streets to get to it. WEll, Maumelle has rezoned their schools, and we have to go to one that is 15 miles away....by the interstate...and my neighbor informed me tonight that the traffic is HORRIBLE...she said....YOU JUST WAIT! EEEk!! Just that thought alone, seriously makes me want to homeschool, b/c the traffic just about gives me a nervous breakdown! Honestly, I planned my whole day's trips and errands....based on when the traffic won't be bad....and then I am going to be right in the middle of it every morning?? Hmm I wonder if I could get my dr to write a letter saying how crazy I am and that the kids have to go to the school close to our house, b/c I am too crazy to homeschool....and I might just totally flip out? LOL I am sorta kidding! But, the school is suppose to be a really good school....but so was the one 3 minutes from my house! UGH!

SO, give me your honest opinion about preschool or not for Rachel. I want to hear it. Any experience, or just thoughts you might have about it. And I hope all my ramblings makes sense!

Guess who

Can you guess if this baby is Rachel or Leah? (Leah is the older girl, Rachel younger). I ask this b/c even their own daddy can't tell the difference in a lot of their baby pictures. My sister can't either. They ask me, how can I tell?? Well.....I guess the same way a mom with twins knows the difference in her babies. A momma just knows. I am sure it is also b/c I remember every little detail about outfits, blankets...all kinds of silly stuff like that. Actually, both my girls wore this outfit and I have photos of them both.....just can't find the other one pic right now. My girls really did look a lot alike when they were first born.

I guess he has always been a jumper!

Here are some pictures of Noah when he 2 1/2 . You can see me in the background putting up the Christmas tree...so Clay took these pictures. I am sure this was not very safe to let him do this.....but look at the joy on his face while he was doing it! I guess this was just practice for all that jumping into the pool he does!

Like mother.....Like daughters....

I just came across this photo that Clay took a couple of months back. All 3 of my kids love the computer. Anytime someone is on it, they are fighting for their turn. Hmmm kinda reminds me of Clay and me!

This cracks me up!

I am sorting through all of our old digital photos.....This picture just sums up what our life used to be. I am not sure on the exact date of this...but judging on how Leah looks in this pic....I think it is about the time Rachel was born. That would mean Leah was 15 months old, and Noah had just turned 2. Not sure the details you can see in this photo....but I can count at least 3 diapers in the floor.....and I am thinking that some of them are used...YUCK! I can remember that time...3 kids in diapers.....there were clean and dirty diapers everywhere! I can remember us changing the diaper, and then just pitching it as hard as we could...hoping it would land in the kitchen, over the baby gate, somewhat close to the trash can! I see a couple of old bottles....Leah working on one too....I see one shoe...who knows where the mate is....and this is just a small portion of that room! Looks like I caught Leah in the act of digging more stuff out of the drawers. I think at one time.....that chest held mostly diapers. There was a drawer for each size.

Actually upon examination.....not a lot has changed.....now it is food wrappers, dirty clothes, still mismatched shoes and toys.......these are the good old days!

Day at the Parker's house!

I love this picture of Suzanne and Josiah.

We had a fun day yesterday going to visit Suzanne and her kiddos! My kids love to play with her's, and she and I had tons to talk about. 6 Kids, + 1 poor little boy who is miserably teething (I felt so sorry for him!) + 2 moms trying to talk over them...added up to a lot of joyful chaos!! I took my camera this time....I was dying to photograph all those beautiful blue eyes her kiddos have! I didn't end up having my camera out too much, but I did get a few. Her kids are so cute! It was so nice to get to hold a baby! Holding Josiah reminded me just how much I enjoy little ones.....and how I miss mine being that little! We can't wait to get to visit again!