Today, Zachariah had a circumcision. They weren't able to do it when he was first born b/c of various reason, and then they had to wait until he was old enough to handle going under anethesia, and then he had RSV twice, so we are just now getting it done. His dad had requested it, and I understand that. Anyway, he couldn't eat past midnight....and just this week he has been waking up for a bottle at night again.
I had to get up with him in the night when he was mad at me for not letting him eat. I got up at 5:45 to be at the hospital at 6:30, for a surgery that wasn't starting until 8:30. I held him for 2 hours, playing with him, loving on him, crossing my fingers he didn't just lose it wanting a bottle. I got to carry him down the hall, then place him in the bed...kiss him goodbye...even though it was a routine surgery, he was going under, they were putting a breathing tube down his throat, and I have never had to do that with any of my kids....and he just looked so little on that bed the rolled away. In comes dad at 9:00 for his "visit". (when the case worker found out about the surgery for today, she thought, hey, this can just be his visit). So, I get to listen to his dad talk about how awesome of a dad he had been back in the day with his other kids, how much he loves Zac, wants to keep him...yada yada ya....all the "important" people he knows that think he has a chance to of getting him back. His days in prison, how he was arrested once for raising fight dogs...oh my word the things that man was talking my ear off saying.
Then, a nurse comes out and pronounces his name wrong, I correct her and say, we are here. She says, "only 2 can go back right now" Back marches Dad, and the case worker. They get to go back and see my baby 1st thing after surgery...while I am left out in the waiting room wondering how he is doing, if he is hurt, or upset...needing his momma to comfort him. I did get to finally go back, and he was just fine....in a very good mood actually playing with his dad. But you see, I wanted to be by his side...see him first thing after surgery. But, well, I am not his momma. Thanks, for slapping me in the face with that knowledge. His dad was nice, and handed him to me soon after I got in there saying, "he wants YOU". He is very kind to me, always thanking me for what I do for him.....but it is just so hard.
Now I gotta go tend to his wound, and rock him and comfort him b/c he is actually in a lot of pain...and well, the only thing that makes him happy is for me to hold him.
That had to be so hard. We had Tucker circumsized at 8 months and went through the same thing. Luckily they let all 3 of us back to see him when he came out of it. He is a precious little boy and I do hope things work out in your favor:)
ReplyDeleteI know that was hard for you. But remember, you are doing this for him. I'm praying for you girl, and all the important people know what you mean to that little guy.
ReplyDeleteI would have been ticked! I mean.. come on!!!
ReplyDeleteoh, i'm ticked right now! my word! and you ARE his momma, too. in every sense of the word, the rest of the world just hasn't figured that out yet.
ReplyDeletei know what you mean about the relationship with the birth parent, too. i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with mercy's birth mom. she has cut all ties with dhs, but continues to reach out to me. she will almost certainly not regain custody, but she's still a person in need of love and support herself, and she's reaching for it from me. yet, i have "her" daughter, and i'm not sure continued contact is the best idea. though she, too, has been nothing but appreciative and thankful for what tj and i are doing for mercy. i've hit my knees again for this world. i really think a lot of "christians" are living their lives like these things aren't happening. and i think a lot of them really don't realize what's going on around them. oh... i'm getting on my soap box! better stop now.
hang in there. we (you and i when we became foster parents) told god we'd walk through the fire if that's what he asked us to do. one day at a time. no, one minute at a time.
oh my. you are so patient. i would have been ill and probably said something. i understand he is biological, but YOU and clay are his parents, not that guy. oh my. probably scary for you to listen to the things he said to you and thinking that this child may go back to him. i'm praying for ya chicka!
ReplyDeleteOh, Maury. I can feel the pain that caused you. I am so sorry...... I will be praying about this whole situation. Poor shug.
ReplyDeleteYou are his Mama. That's so hard. I'm sorry they didn't let you go back with him too at first. It's crazy that the birth parents rights are put first when they are not the ones taking care of the child. Hope that he feels better soon. It's so hard to see them hurt.
ReplyDeleteOh I know that was hard,I would not have been well!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Maury, you are a special person. But I do think I would have a talk with the CW!
ReplyDeleteat least they admitted YOU were who he wanted. And how to you say his name wrong?? It's not a hard one?!?
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