1.) We are doing schoolwork at the dining table that is crammed into the little Breakfast nook along with my bookcase of school stuff in a super nasty messy kitchen. Why is the kitchen nasty? Because I have 3 kids that make a constant mess, and even cleaning the kitchen 3 times a day does not seem to help!
2.) I spent more time searching for the stuff to do school with than the time it takes to do the activity. Why? Not sure considering I just organized it last week, and I have threatened everyone with thier life if they touch it and get stuff lost. Hmmmm
3.) I absolutely despised the constant backtalking and snotty attitude that Noah has developed toward me and everyone in this house.
4.) I am tired and grouchy today b/c I took a tylenol PM last night to try to kill the pain in my back from putting together a bookshelf yesterday, and the pain in my feet that I have everyday that I get up and move. (I seemed to have developed plantar fasciitis, and the ice, soaking, and $400 worth of shoes can't seem to heal them. Losing weight could, possible, if I could MOVE to exercise to lose the weight!)
5.) Leah is sitting beside me grunting and groaning constantly saying, I CAN'T DO IT...over and over and over again.
6.) Noah is doing his work well, but is also looking over his shoulder criticizing everything Rachel is doing. Both kids are telling her she is doing it wrong. She popps Leah with a pencil, Leah pops her back with the crayon everyone is mad at each other, all 3 distracted from the work I am trying to keep them on track to do.
7.) My husband is in the other room working, in the space I wish I had for my schoolroom. (of course I know he is working on something equally frustrating, so for this day, am not mad at him)
8.) I am still worrying over the wedding that was cancelled for October......that was a good chunck of money, and makes me want to throw up when I think about it.
9.) Days like today, I get homesick for the support system I left in Monticello, and miss so bad my job I had at the nursing home. The job I loved and quit b/c I THOUGHT the photography business we were building would allow me more time with my kids.....Uh....NO! I may be here physically, but not mentally, and especially when I am a basket case fretting b/c I have to actually go take pictures!
10.) And last, and this is honestly probably the number 1 reason today..... I/we have an engagement session this afternoon, a bridal session Thursday, a rehersal dinner Friday, and a huge wedding on Saturday...(that I know I will not be able to walk by the time it is over, literally) and have I ever mentioned that now that photography is our business, I despise photography? Running a businesss from our home that you can never get away from. Have I mentioned that all I want to do is be a MOM, b/c tending to 3 children's needs and education all day every day, is quite enough to keep up with. That even though my husband is running the business now, he is constantly talking to me about it, and I still book some weddings, and carry the guilt when I turn people down for portraits. I constantly worry about when we will book the next wedding even though I constantly pray and same I am trusting God, and then feel guilty for worrying b/c I am not relying on God. We would get us an office/studio, but everything here seems to be through the roof on rent, and we can't bare to think of another high payment.
So.....as everyone was bickering I yelled as loudly as I could..... BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I yelled at Noah that I was taking away a $1 of his money everytime he backtalked me again. And told my starving kids that no they could not drink or eat until they finished school. Yes, I did get my point across, yes, they did finally mind me, and yes their spirits were crushed b/c of the way mom yelled at them. Yes I could have had the same effects with a quieter voice, b/c yes, you could see how the yelling affected the in their faces and posture.
I yell. Last night I had to use *great* restraint not to yell in front of two additional kids who came home from the ballgame with my kids and husband without any warning whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteI don't like it when I yell, but I know they'll be OK. I read somewhere that there are yelling moms and there are kissing moms, but that we really all mean the same thing. Honestly I think most of us are a combination of the two.
They'll survive. And so will you. And someday you'll laugh about the days Mom used to yell so much. :-)
Oh -- and working and sending your kids to school won't make the stress go away. I promise.
This tickled me to death...not that you're frustrated, but because this is my life! I took a parenting class at church because I felt I was yelling too much. Uh, I'm not quite sure it helped much, but I AM trying! I'm glad I found your page!
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