Happy New Year!

Wishing you all a wonderful 2010!

blog post

www.blessingsforthegoodlife.blogspot.com I have a new post over there. Check it out, lots going on with the babies these days.

Rolling with the punches

That is what you have to learn to do when you are a foster parent. Roll with the punches. Otherwise, you may just lose your mind. I could pick any month out of the last year and a half, and could tell you several ups and downs in that month. I don't have to look far though, I can just tell you about the month of December.

Chrisitian was hospitalized after going into respiratory failure. While he was there he was tested for STD's, (which were luckily negative, even after a scare), tested for Cystic Fibrosis...wow, that would have been a lifelong illness. While dealing with the rollercoaster of that, I was also at home, discovering things going on with Zachariah. See, he has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. That deserves a whole post in itself, and I do want to talk about it, as this is a very big thing that will affect him, and all of us as he grows up. One of the big issues with that is that fact that they just don't sleep. Bless his heart, he will just stay awake for hours. He also has some sensory issues, that luckily we will begin therapy for soon.

While Christian was in the hospital, I attended a scheduled court hearing. Upon arriving to the court house, I saw Zachariah's dad. He apparently had a hearing right before us to request a court appointed attorney, so that he could file an appeal to the termination. Yes, he was appointed that attorney, and he has filed his appeal. I have been told they are very seldom overturned, but still, they take 6 months to a year, so we have that much more time to be in limbo, waiting. But, there was good news that day. The judge set a date for February to go ahead and terminate parental rights for Christian. Yay, no long, drug out process for him and us.

Until today. His caseworker came by and told me that a great Aunt of Christian's has stepped up and wants him. Christian's mom's mom's sister. His grandmother's sister. And, yes, in case you are wondering, she is equally kin to Zachariah. Where was she a year and a half ago? I asked, and the caseworker said he asked as well. She claims that she didn't know about him, that she only knew of Christian b/c she saw a family member at a funeral, that she normally doesn't associate with that family. Yes, but it is funny, that the caseworker never told her Zach's name, but then when she e-mailed him, she mentioned Zachariah by name, but said that since he had been with us so long, she wouldn't want to interrupt that. But she doesn't care about Christian staying with his brother, or his family, with his mom that he has bonded with and been with since he was a day old? I have many rational feelings floating in my head, but my heart, my emotional feelings says that I am furious. I am furious at her that she didn't come forth and want Zachariah. I know I am sounding like his dad now, accusing them of being racial, but I had heard in the beginning that none of their family wanted him b/c he was part African American, and now, this aunt is actually the second family member that has expressed interest in Christian. If they didn't want Zachariah, then they don't deserve Christian. That is how my heart feels. Now, I know that things could really be as she said, and I hope and pray that she means what she says, that she doesn't associate with that part of the family. There are some things that still make this idea questionable, one being her age. The caseworker told me that it is good that we have Zachariah b/c they like to keep siblings together. He had told the aunt that she couldn't have Zachariah b/c since mom's rights have been terminated, then she is legally not kin to him anymore, but who is to say that he judge wouldn't think that they both should go live with family?

Roll with the punches. That is what you have to do. Tonight, after the babies went to bed, I had the 3 bigger kids crawl into my lap, and I was thinking to myself that I am so glad, so lucky that the state, some judge, can't say they aren't my children forever. I know, that I can say I am their momma forever, no matter what happens.

All that said, look at this cutie patootie!! He is just the cutest thing. He is doing really well, and enjoying being home from that yucky hospital!

My heart melts for you too....

I had this adorable onsie for Christian that I decided he better wear at the hospital if he was gonna get to wear it, so I took it up there, along with my new little camera, an early Christmas present from Clay. He knew I would want to carry it up to the hospital, so he gave it early. Look, I caught him smiling at me! Even with all those yucky tubes in his nose, he was still all smiles for me.

Opening Christmas Gifts

We do our Christmas a little different around here. My family always opened gifts early when I was growing up, and we have continued that tradition here. We don't really do Santa here, and have scaled back big on the gifts, so we just do them all at once, but early, and then save stockings for Santa, on X-mas morning. Even that was really small this year. We like to open early so that the kids have more time to play with their gifts, and get to share in the excitement of our gifts, before they get all their other stuff from family. It just spreads the celebrating out longer. So, the Sunday before Christmas, I stayed home from the hospital that day, and we had Christmas. I also didn't wrap anything this year. I just didn't have the time, and once we decided to open gifts, I decided I could save that hour of wrapping, and money on paper. I know, sad, huh. I never thought I would be that way, but this year, I was really a Christmas scrooge. Thankfully, I didn't ruin it for the kids, they didn't care at all that their stuff wasn't wrapped. I just had everything sorted into their own pile, and then called them all in. Noah told me later that he got everything that he had wanted, and had asked for in his letter at school. Good thing, since I had no idea what he had written on that paper! Our Christmas has gotten smaller every year the past few years, and I think this year was just about right. I remember years past when I would clean out everyone's room, and get rid of half their toys, just to make the room for all their new stuff. Now that is pitiful, a waste of money, and just makes no sense.

It was complete with a big can of popcorn and chocolate covered cherries to chow down on!

Update on Christian

Tomorrow marks 2 weeks that Christian has been in the hospital. It hit me today how much time 2 weeks is in a little baby's life. Christian has changed so much since he has been in the hospital, and the kids haven't been able to go visit him at all. I took a bunch of pictures today b/c I feel he is changing too much, and I don't want to miss it. He has lost that newborn look. He is so alert, and has given me a few adorable smiles.

He got worse this past Sunday, and they were going to move him back to the intermediate care unit. Right now, he is in a suite that has 4 beds, and 2 nurses, all in the same room. If they'd moved him to intermediate care then I would have had to stay with him 24/7 or they would have had to hire a sitter. The nurse spoke up to the doc and said that didn't make sense, b/c what he needed was a nurse watching him 24/7, and that he should just stay where he was. I totally agreed with that. I know most of the nurses, they are the same ones that cared for Talan. I feel very comfortable with him being in that room since I am not able to be there with him all the time.

We all miss him SO much. This has been so hard with him in the hospital. They had diagnosed him with just a bronchial infection, but b/c it is lingering so much, they are looking into more chronic conditions. He was exposed very extensively to a lot of drugs in utero, he tested positive for more at birth than Zachariah did. Because of that, they are just so unsure of what all is going on with him. It could just be an infection that was bad, but there could be an underlying condition. They have tested him for cystic fibrosis, and I am praying that test comes back negative. I know that would be a lifetime of pain for him.

Good news in all this....and it makes me very excited everytime I think about it. We went to court last week, and there was nobody from his family present, which I had suspected. The dad that the mom named is on the run, and it probably isn't him anyway, and they don't know who the dad is. The mom is still MIA, and the judge has moved to termination, and set the date for February. Things could always change, but with the history of the family, I don't see it, or that the judge would change her mind. Crossing my fingers anyway. I love him so much, and he feels like mine, just like Zachariah always has.

I am so hoping he can be home by Christmas. That is all I want for Christmas, for him to be here with us.

That silly oxygen tube won't stay in his nose...but that is a good sign too b/c he isn't really needing it much at this point.
If his eyes look like they are about to bug out...that is how he looks in person. He is getting albuterol treatments every 4 hrs, and they have him pretty wired.

Our new pets

If anyone heard my freaking out last year about the little mice that were in my house, you would be very surprised by our newest pets. I just about had a STROKE when we had mice in our house. I love my kids bunches though, so I have decided try to overcome my fear, and allow them to have pet mice. This is part of their Christmas present. They had the choice of 3 mice, or 1 hamster, and they all wanted their own.

Meet Squeaky (Rachel's)

Chili (Leah's)

and Anakin (Noah's, of course!)

Those boogers are hard to take pictures of!

Oh my, do they stink. That is what is going to send me over the edge. Any suggestions anyone?

Christmas Lights

Maybe someday I will fill everyone in on all the happenings here. There is just never time for anything these days. I have been spending everyday at the hospital with little bit. Please continue to pray for him. He was doing well, and then got worse again, and now his progress is very slow. They are looking at long-term things that could be wrong with him.

In the midst of all the that, we are still doing fun things. I discovered a lights display close to us that is free. My pictures through the rainy windshield don't even begin to do it justice. It is awesome. We have been twice and really enjoyed it.

Update on Christian

He is still in the hospital, but he is doing much much better. He has been moved to a regular room, and he may can come home in a couple of days.

All his tests have come back negative, so they have diagnosed him with bronchulitis. They said that his reaction was like what an asthma patient does when they get sick. Their chords just swell, and since his was so small, that is why he got so bad, so fast. His lungs were really full of junk, and they were so tight, then we couldn't even hear him wheezing at home. They said he could end up with asthma, or this could just be a one-time thing. At least now I now what to look for, and get help quickly.

I keep playing it over and over in my mind, and I am just so grateful that this didn't happen at night, and that it did happen at the doctor's office. Wow.

He was in a great mood today, and was so alert. I can't wait to get him back home with us, we are really missing him!

What he is hooked up to here, is just oxygen going into his nose, he has IV's on both arms, but only one is hooked up, and that is to an antibiotic. On his chests are just recording his heart rate, and on his toe he has his pulse/ox monitor.

Please read and pray

I take back all my complaining in the previous post, and just count my blessings. Check out my blog post and prayer request for our sweet baby C. www.blessingforthegoodlife.blogspot.com

Oh, my sweet baby....

Oh my sweet baby. Yesterday was a horrible day. Did I really live through my second day of almost losing a child to death? Praise the Lord for guiding you and me through it, and for the great improvement you have made.

Yesterday I was taking Christian into the doc b/c he was sick. He had just acted sick the day before, and I got up yesterday morning, and he wouldn't eat and was really weak, so I made him a doc appointment. I loaded everyone up, dropped them all off and headed to the docs office. He was gray looking when I got out of the car, and as I went in and was trying to get him to respond, he didn't, so I told them at the desk. They let me go straight back, and the nurse took one look and took off running, calling for help. She turned and took him from me, and took off. He had gone into respiratory failure. Yes...my baby was dying right there before my eyes. I will never forget the way his limp body felt, and how ashen he was. Horrifying. That imagine of him, and of everyone around him saving his life will be etched into my brain forever. It was surreal. I just burst into tears. Everyone around me was asking if I was o.k.... ME? Don't worry about me. My baby is dying.

They got him stabilized, and transferred us by ambulance. I have never been in an ambulance, and hope never again...especially watching them pump air into my baby's lungs keeping him alive. Another memory etched forever. His temperature was way down....I called Clay, and my strength got there soon. I called my mom, my comfort and she was there soon too. The moved us to ICU. He has improved greatly overnight, and is responding well to treatments. I am only home briefly, and there is more to this story, about how awesome everyone is...how awesome God is, that hopefully I can share later. Praise you Lord, and thank you for being with us yesterday.