update on my babies

I will start this e-mail by saying this it is 2:20 am, and the baby I could not keep awake all day long, is wide awake now! That little stinker! So, that being said, I can't guarantee how coherent this post will be, as it has been a long draining day.

I will tell you all a little bit more about Talan. He is 3 months old, he was born on Groundhog Day....(my kids informed me of that tonight...I would have NEVER thought about that, I am glad they are smarter than their momma!) He spent almost a month in the hospital before coming to us. He was with another foster family for 2 days, and they were scared of his medical condition, so they asked for him to be moved. We have been talking for awhile about another placement. It has just been really weird since Hunter and Amber left, and the kids and I were ready for another. I e-mail our case worker Wednesday about midnight to tell her that we were ready for another one, and that we changed our race preference to accept any. It had previously been caucasian only, and if it hadn't been for my matchmaker friend, we would have never even gotten the call for Zac b/c he is biracial....but now that we have him, and love him so much, I just didn't feel right not being open to taking in an African American child. When we first began this, we had just thought that it was better for the kids to be in a same race home....but now....we know we should just take what God sends our way. I prayed a lot about this placement. I was praying as I went to bed after sending that e-mail......and you know, I had a call and an e-mail waiting on me when I got up the next morning! wow....I hadn't expected it that quickly. When I called my case worker back, she said my e-mail had been a blessing to see that morning, and that she hadn't even called anyone else looking for a home for him. I have felt so much peace about getting him.

So, back to my story. He has suffered severe head injuries. He was in ICU, and there is a concern about what long term effects he will have from his injuries. He has some other medical conditions, and I can see exactly why someone would be scared to have him in their home. We talked about that, and decided that someone would have to take him, and well, it may as well be us. I just spent a lot of time praying for him. I wake up a lot at night worrying about him, and I check on him more often than I have ever checked on any other baby I have. One good thing, he is the first baby, out of 5 (including my own 3) that doesn't have reflux. When I say I have seen baby spit up, that is an understatement. All 3 of our kids had it bad, and then Hunter and Zac did too. We decided that was just our lot in life. I just want to shout out a HUGE HOORAY that I now have a baby that doesn't spit up....ever!

He is a sweet baby. He has the most kissable cheeks!! Zachariah has adjusted really well. I think he just looks at him as one more person to have fun with!

Talan's mom went to his doctor's appointment that I took him to Monday. I like her. It feels good to say that too. I am actually praying that everything will work out where she will get him back soon. She was so good with him, and I could see a strong bond. He was so relaxed and happy with her, and she took over and handled that whole doc visit. She talked to him nonstop, kissing on him, loving on him....it was so good to see. See, most of the time, it is the dad that is not involved with their kids in foster care. I have always heard that. But my short experience so far has been with Zac's mom being nonexistent, and dad being involved, Hunter's parents... the dad was more bonded, the mom never showed any emotion with her baby.

I really felt bad for Talan's mom. As in my previous post, where I was talking about Mother's Day, she told me that the day was very hard on her. She cried a lot of the day. She was kinda standoffish with me at first, and I could tell by the questions she asked me, a little defensive, and wondering how I was caring for her baby. As we were leaving the office, I just said to her, "I know this is really hard for you. I want you to know that we all love Talan, and that I will take very good care if him for you." Her whole demeaner changed when I said that. I could see the relief flood her face. Then she opened up more to me just how hard this is for her. She thanked me, and told me she was so glad that I was going to be keeping home with me and not putting him in daycare. She said she has been so worried about who was taking care of her baby, and that they may not like him. As I was driving off, she was just watching the car, with the saddest look on her face.

His hospital papers make me so sad to read, to see how bad he was. I do still think that the mom was not involved in his injuries, and maybe it really could have been an accident like they said. I do pray, that if it was an accident, this will all work out where they get him back soon. His parents love him a lot, and I can tell he is missing his momma.

My day was draining b/c I went to a staffing for Zachariah. A staffing is a meeting where all the attorneys, caseworkers, parents/foster parent all meet together to discuss the case, where it is going, and to get ready for court. His termination hearing will be in a month and a half. I am pretty sure they will terminate his mother's rights. All that is going on with dad.....just drains me. Makes me nauseous. Makes me want to stand up and scream at him and tell him what a stupid moron he is. It makes me want to pack up my family, along with Zach and run away, where they can never find us, and never take away my baby. I truly can't bare the thought of that man getting to keep him. I really really want to just write out on here everything that is wrong with that man. Very tempted to, but I know I shouldn't. He keeps saying over and over again how he wants to do right for his son by raising him, and that he should be "commended" for being a part of his life. I want to just say to him, if you love him the way you say you do, then let him stay with his momma, and daddy, and brother and sisters that adore him, and that he loves so much. I do feel a tad hopeful in the fact that everyone in that room has SERIOUS concerns about the dad getting custody. I have been told that Zachariah has an excellent attorney that FIGHTS for her kids. There are a few things that the dad is refusing to do, so I PRAY that will count against him. I also see, that we may be in for a very long journey. I feel like he probably won't go to his dad in June, but there still is the possibility of it happening further down the road. He said today that he WAS NOT going to let his son be in the foster care system being treated badly by foster parents his whole life. I think everyone's eyes in the room darted to look at me, and it took everything in my to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to just punch him in the face and scream SHUT UP at him! Now, I know he doesn't think that about us....b/c he thanks me every chance he can get, but he is just so stupid, and runs his mouth all the time. Zac's attorney told him, "oh, don't worry, he will not be in foster care, he will be adopted in a heart beat!!" I also got so mad b/c he kept getting defensive and angry at everyone while he was holding Zachariah! Finally, one of the attorneys spoke up and said to him that Zac was asleep and that he was tossing him all over the place. It is like he gets mad, and forgets he is even holding him. I wish the judge could see that.

Urgh, I could go on and on and on. I know that it does no good to worry, I should just give it to God, trust he will take care of him....but at the same time, I find myself PLEADING in my prayers for my baby.