Has it been enough?

Tomorrow we go to court at 10:00 am for the judge to make a decision that will affect the rest of our son Z's life. There is a chance there will just be another extension, and 3 more months drawn out, but also a good chance things will end for his parents tomorrow.

We started this journey over 14 months ago, and I knew this day would be here, and now it is. Being a foster parent, everyone says to me, "I couldn't do that, how do you let the kids go?" Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all? I do believe so. Z has brought me happiness and love, I wouldn't trade it for anything, no matter what the outcome is. I know, without a doubt, the Lord gave him to me to be his mother, and this is exactly what I was meant to do.

Today, I have really reflected on everything I have done. I have prayed all along for him. I began praying for whatever was best would happen. I prayed that any of his family that would get him, would be good for him, and he would have a happy life. Then, as time has gone on, I have been more selfish in my prayers. I have just begged, pleaded that he gets to stay with us. That we can be his forever family.

Today I have questioned, have I done enough? Have I loved enough? Have I prayed enough? Have I asked God the right things for his child? Have I been selfish? Have I shown God in the things I do enough? It has all been in his hands all along, and I know that. I just question if I have been the servant he wanted me to be, have I done the very best I could do. Have I prayed hard enough that he will let Z be our son? Am I being too selfish to wish that? Have I really done this for the Lord, or my own desires for him to be my son? Will I be able to go on if I have to let him go? Am I trusting the Lord enough?

Another foster parent that just recently went through this gut wrenching lost posted this, and I think it says what we do so well....

Whatever the call is, whatever the sacrifice, the cross he wishes you to embrace, the path he wants you to tread, will you rise up and say "Yes Lord, I accept it; I submit, I yield, I pledge myself to walk in that path, and to trust Thee with the consequences? Oh! But you say, " I don't know what he will want next? No, none of us know that, but we know we shall be safe in his hands"-Catherine Booth

Please, keep this precious boy, and your family in your prayers tomorrow. Please pray that the Lord guides the judges decision.