foster parent = #1 advocate

Well here I go again with another foster care post. I can't help it. Sometimes these things just pop into my head, and I begin talking to God while I am thinking about them, and I really feel that he leads me to share this with you.

Our experience with fostering our boys has been far from easy. Far from it. It has been a HARD, emotional 2 years. I do feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and in looking back at our experience, I feel compelled to write this post, to praise DHS for what they have done right, and encourage people that it isn't all bad.

One thing that I have done, that I think has helped enormously is get to know everyone that is involved with this case. I have always let them know how much I love the boys, and that I am very invested in their well-being. I think that it helped them show me respect, and encourage them to fight for the boys, b/c they knew they had a family that was fighting for them. When I had concerns, I let it be known. I got to know the boys attorney ad litem. I let them know when I had concerns b/c their #1 job is to fight for the boys. I attended all staffings, and all court hearings. It makes me sad that there are so many foster parents that don't have their heart in it enough to do this b/c foster parents can be these children's #1 advocate. The caseworkers and attorneys have So many kids to keep up with, and are so overworked and overwhelmed, as foster parents, we just have these children to keep up with, and it is our job, I feel, to keep everyone informed.

The people that work for DHS, for the most part do care, they care alot. They have the crappiest job of anyone I know. You would have to care to stick it out. I don't know how anyone that works there can have any kind of life away from work. I can't imagine the hell these workers go through everyday, dealing with court several times a week, crazy families, calling all day searching for homes, having to run kids to this appointment and that....it is insane. The turn over rate is horrible, and I don't blame anyone for leaving that job. When one worker leaves, all their cases are piled onto the overworked stressed out people left behind, b/c there is no one to take their place. If they don't have a cooperative foster parent, it make things that much harder for them. A caseworker can't be the only person facilitating everything for 100 kids...it just isn't possible, and that is why it is SO important for the foster parent to be involved in this.

As a foster parent, you don't have to go to court, you don't have to take them to the doctor, all you "have" to do is provide them shelter, food, and clothes. BUT, if you are doing this "for the children" then you have to be invested in this child. Even if you never plan to adopt this child, they deserve for you to be their advocate. Their parents don't know how to get these services for them, the caseworkers don't have time, by investing in them, you could be giving them the most stable foundation for their future they can have. If you are fostering for them to be adopted later on, the new adoptive family may have no idea how to do these things, or that services are even available. I believe that a lot of the issues adoptive children have are brought on not by their abusive neglectful family, but their neglectful, emotionally absent foster parents. Now I realized that I am blessed that I don't have to work out of the home, and even if you work outside of the home and can't always take these children to their appointments, you can still advocate for them. Make sure the appointments are made and met, write out a detailed letter for the caseworker, so they know exactly what to tell the doctor.

Our little Z was diagnosed with FAS, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He has developmental delays. When his attorney expressed to me that she thought he may have it, I contacted the FAS team to set up an appointment. I took him. When I noticed some delays, I got therapy started for him. If you wait for the system to get this done for these kids, it honestly may never happen. They just don't have time. They are not with these kids everyday to know what is going on with them. How are they to know what is wrong with them? If the caseworkers are taking them to doctor and therapy appointments, how do they even know what to tell them is wrong with these kids?

Because of his early diagnosis, he has the best chance possible. Because of his early diagnosis, we will have financial assistance when we adopt him. I honestly believe all these things wouldn't have been done for him had I not done them, and we would be adopting him blindly. Later on down the road, nobody would understand why he couldn't learn, why his behavior was off the charts, and it would drain us emotional, and financially. I took fostering on as "my job" and I feel like, in the long run, it will pay off for us and for him. There are days I may spend the whole day trying to get help from someone, playing phone tag, explaining things over and over...nothing is EVER easy. When you are dealing with state, things funded by the government, areas that are considered welfare, you aren't always treated nicely, and every step along the way is difficult and frustrating.

This is not to toot my horn, by saying "I did this". Not at all. It was a learning process for me. I learned along the way, if I wanted something done, and done right, I had to do it myself. Everytime I did things on my own, DHS was surprised, but also SO thankful. You can blame the system for failing these children, or you can step up and say, "I will fight for these kids, every step of the way, to the best of my ability, b/c that is what they deserve, that is what I would do for my own children".

There were many times along the way, I can truly give all credit to intervention by God. He has helped these children the most, and many times in frustration, something might just click, and work out, and I always thanked God for stepping in. I could dedicate an entire post to each step of the way that I know the Lord had his hand in.

I was recently talking to someone that has worked in the system for a long time, and we were discussing how many children have just been "overlooked", b/c they didn't have anyone fighting for them. That is so sad, yet I know it is true. If we want to make a change in the system, I believe it starts with us, one case at a time, one child at a time, one prayer at a time.