Sometimes the tears come...

I am reminded everyday of Z's disability. He now attends a theraputic daycare, his evaluations test him much younger than he really is. We have applied for SSI. I had to write a letter explaining his disabilities, and the amount of time I spend with his care to get his monthy money increased. I am reading books everyday on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and Sensory Processing Disorder. Everyday I am reminded.

Today, I read a post written by a monther with a teenager with FASD. Then I came across her beautiful daughter's blog writing about her life with FASD, and I wondered what our life will be like down the road with Z. How much will his early intervention help him, what all struggles will we face?

Then I was read a blog of a precious little girl that is younger than him, and she can do so much more than he can. That is when it hits me the most. I think about all the work we do teaching him, the 4 therapists that he sees, teaching the same things over and over again, that he just hasn't gotten. The simple things that most children learn easily, are so much harder for him, and I know that it will always be that way for him. As I was reading the milestones that she has reached at 18 months old, I cried about those same milestones that he hasn't reached at 2. I wonder how long it will take him to learn these things. Sometimes I just have to cry. Sometimes, I would like to just forget about all that stuff, and just see him as my precious little boy. I try, but there is just too much to remind me all the time. It just gets overwhelming, and I have to grieve. I love him so much, it just makes me sad for him. Clay told me, "don't be sad for him, he doesn't know that he can't do those things". Sometimes I just need daddy's perspective to stop worrying over everything!

Right as I was crying over what he "can't do", he picked up his banana peel and threw it in the garbage, smiled, clapped, and said "good job", (the #1 phrase he can say), and I cheered with him, proud that he has indeed learned something that I have been trying to train the big kids to do for years :)