Silly bathtub boy

Can you tell that he loves to take a bath?

When it is time for him to get out, as I lean in to pick him up, he always goes into a crazy splash....and thinks it is hilarious that he is "getting me" :)

Weekend Lego Display

Welcome to our Lego display.....it will be happening all weekend....here is the sign to let us know.

When I was at the Goodwill store last night, I found a box of the bigger legos, so little brother was included in the lego party.
This is the Lego Titanic

Lego Forrest with a dog and food

Lego Rainbow

Lego repair shop

Lego Luke Skywalker

This is the Lego White House and Lego Abraham Lincoln

I will keep you updated if anymore great masterpieces are added to the collection :)

This and that, but more prayer requests please!

Oh, I have so much bottled up inside that I want to talk about! So much of it is hard to talk about, I maybe shouldn't talk about it, or it is too time consuming to even begin talking about it!! I guess I will copy a friend and make bullet points.

*I am on my 3rd week of having sick kids at home from school. Once this one gets well, I am sure it will just start the cycle all over again. She really has been very sick though, so I feel very badly for her!

* We have a very important meeting tomorrow that will make a decision on the long-term placement of our little baby C. I thought this was going to happen in court a couple of weeks ago, but no. And yes, I want to throw up everytime I think about it. Please pray that the best decsion for him, his brother and our family will be made at this meeting. After weeks of being angry, and fighting this in my mind, I have found peace....I can say that and mean it now. I have also been studying about his potential diagnosis, and am now wondering if it would be in his best interest to stay with us, or better for him to be in a home so all attention can be given to him. The thought of his potential loss is still gutt wrenching, so my prayers have been geared toward the Lord knowing what will truly be best to help him and his brother heal, and what he knows I will have the ability to do for our whole family. If it is for him to remain with us, I have told God I will be seeking him every step of the way, and I am also diving deep into what I need to do for them.

*With a diagnosis of FASD for our little Z, I have been overwhelmed by how easily a child can have this. Did you know, that just having a few "binges" within the first month of being pregnant, before know you are, can cause your child to have brain damage that is cause by alcohol? It is so hard to diagnose, and many times just expressed in tantrums, frustrations, learning disabilities at school, but over all your child appears to be fine. It is estimated that 70% of children in foster care/adopted have affects from being exposed to alcohol in utero. I really want to talk more about this, b/c I was so unaware of how bad this can be, and I think it is very important to teach people about this. I am so thankful that we have our diagnosis early on. From what I am learning, this is key to helping him overcome things.

* I am also committing myself to cleaning a lot of stuff out of our house. I am learning that a full cluttered house can be harmful for children with FASD, and I think that it has become harmful for me as well! I just want things to be minimal, so it is much easier to get chores done, b/c I need more time to focus on the kids, and all their chaos, plus the mess, gets to me fast!

4 months

He turned 4 months old yesterday. This boy is a growin! Add 4 tbs of rice to every bottle, can really pack on the lbs....but I like his chubby little rolls. It makes him look healthy. He is still very much a momma's boy. Wants to be held most of the time, but is getting a little better about doing other things. We had a wild round with getting his formula straight, but now he is on Neutramagen, and it has helped his screaming episodes greatly. I call him Mr. Particular, b/c everything has to be just perfect for him, at all times, or he freaks out.

He is a big talker! He babbles and coos, more than any other baby we have had. He gives us beautiful smiles all the time. I appreciate these 100%. After all the worry with Talan, and the sadness at what he isn't able to do, I rejoice in every milestone Christian reaches. Today, Leah came in and said, "Christian is just so early with all that he can do!" It does seem that way compartively in our home, b/c he is early compared to the 3 babies before him. I explained to her how he is the first one that has done things on time, instead of delayed, or not at all. I am so proud of him!

He is very tickleish, and will just laugh when you tickle his neck, belly, and back.
He enjoys sitting in the highchair when we are all in the kitchen. This discovery has been a lifesaver during meals and also when I am cooking.

He loves his new lights and music toy we got him, and sitting in the bumbo today, he was reaching out and grabbing things, making the music go off.

He still prefers Leah over all the big kids. She is the calmest, and he thrives on calm. (bless his heart, in this wild house!)

He loves his hands, and chews on them all the time.

I love this outfit. The supervisor at his office picked this out for him with his clothing voucher when we got him. She picks out the cutest clothes for the boys.

He is responding to big brother more these days.....and Zach's aim has gotten better with putting his passy in.

and has even learned to laugh and smile at brother, instead of crying whenever he gets near. This boy is learning to be tough! haha

You looking at me?? He also loves this toy, and will sit in it for awhile...so I moved it by the laundry room....he will be content a lot longer if he is near me, and where the action is.

Oh, so much cuteness!! He is saying, "you guys don't be fooled by the stories mommy tells about me...I am super sweet! " haha

A Place to call home

Do any of you ever see Today's THV segment featured every Thursday called "A Place to Call home"? Many of the children waiting for adoption that have been featured on there are ones that I have photographed. I cry just about everytime I watch these videos...especially for the kids I have met. Yesterday though, I was a blubbering mess. Today's feature was of children in a medical facility. Yesterday's, featured our foster son Talan. He isn't with us anymore, but we still consider him our family. I just can't stop crying. We love him so much. I hope he can find a forever family. I wish it could be us. I think that is why the video has hit me so hard. I wish we could be his forever family, but we just can't. We do go visit him, the kids ask frequently, and when I have someone to watch the babies, and we are all well, we go see him, and cuddle and love on him. He is so sweet, and loveable, and we all miss him.

Please lift this little guy up in prayer that he finds someone that loves him as much as, or more than we do, and wants to adopt him.

I wish I could just post the video on here, but I don't know how. If anyone knows how to do that, please share your knowledge with me!

www.todaysthv.com/news/adoption/story.aspx?storyid=99701&catid=325

Making sugar cookies

Rachel's teacher did the neatest project for Christmas gifts. She had every child bring their favorite recipe to school. She typed them all up, had the kids draw a picture, (that would be Rachel with her sugar cookies below) and then had them write about their recipe. Then she put them all together with a class photo on the front, and it turned out so neat!! Rachel loves this book....she looks through it all the time. And asks me frequently for us to make sugar cookies....her recipe out of the book.

I wonder....

I wonder if I showed these picture to the boy's aunt if it would make a difference. I wonder if I let her meet Zachariah, if she would put emotion to trying to seperate these boys. I wonder if it would just make her want to take both of them? I wonder if I showed her pics of my own kids loving on these boys if she would care. If it would make a difference. I wonder if she would care if I poured my heart out to her, for her to know the gut wrenching love I have for the boys. Would any of that matter? I contemplate this a lot.

She has never met Zachariah, b/c DHS gave me that choice. I really appreciate that they respect me enough to give me that choice. I have shown her a photo of Zach on my cell phone, and told her briefly about him, and our journey with him. I feel the great need to protect him. I don't want them to meet him b/c either they would love him and want to take him too, or they would not love him, and that would hurt too. Our caseworker told me that the aunt is not persuing Zachariah b/c she prayed about it, and that she tried to imagine how she would feel if she'd had a child for 18 months and someone tried to take him away. This makes her seem human to me. This makes her sound reachable....like maybe our emotions could mean something to her. Then I hear that they are going to hire a lawyer to fight for Christian. They really want him bad. Maybe it is meant for them to get him....she told me that she felt it was a "God thing" that they had heard about him.

This is what I said to Clay the other night. "It makes me angry that they act like they love him when they have spent 5 hours total with him, and love him b/c he is "cute". At home he has thrush, crying screaming episodes, screams the whole time we are in the car, uncooperative anytime I try to run errands, has the worst poopy diapers that I have ever changed, I have to suck his nose out and give him his enhaler, and thrush medicine every 4 hours,everyday (let me tell you, that is pure torture for both of us), he is fussy, demanding, and wants to be held all the time....the hardest baby I have ever had. Yet I love him totally, unconditionally....now that is true love". That is a mother's love. I know that is silly of me. I am sure they would love him too, despite all that. I tried to tell them about the challenges he is going to face, that he will most likely have FASD like Zachariah, and then I mentioned that he never seemed to have acutual withdrawals as a newborn, (but he is making up for that now) and uncle just said, "oh, well maybe he will just bypass all that". Really? Um....no. They have No Idea what the last 20 years of their life, (if they are lucky to live that long) will be like for them raising this boy. I wonder if I gave them this book I am reading about FASD, if they would read it. They need to read it. They need to know just what they are fighting for.

I know what I am fighting for, and if I wrote it all out, I would sound very crazy to want to intentially take that on for a lifetime...especially x's 2. Oh my it is scary....but I feel this is what God has give me to do, and I am ready to fight this FASD battle, and give them the best life they can have.

My sewing project / weighted blanket

Yesterday, I got out my sewing machine. *gasp!* I have the desire to sew things, but never the patience to take on my machine b/c this operator just doesn't get along with a sewing machine too often.

I have been mentally preparing for this project for awhile now. It has been highly recommended by several people that our little Z would benefit from a weighted blanket. He has trouble sleeping at night, and also sensory issues. I have really wanted to purchase one from the sight that I linked, but there are just 0 funds for that. Also, the fact that I don't know that it would even work. I had been told Medicaid might would pay for one once his therapy starts, but the OT told me that it would not, but maybe I could make one. Yes, "maybe" I could make one....and maybe not. haha

After researching, planning, contemplating, and getting up the nerve, I went and purchased the supplies. Then everyone was sick and out of school for snow the following week, so I didn't even try. Yesterday, I only had baby C, and Noah home with me, (Noah was sick). I put the baby down for a nap, and knew I had to get it done during that naptime, or I would never get it done. With a 1 1/2 yr old running around, I can't leave that sort of thing out, and if I put it all up, I knew it would be hard to motivate myself to ever get it out again. So, I got it all out, and sewed like a mad woman. All the while hoping and praying that the "operator" of this machine wouldn't mess things up. And do you know, I got it finished, without a glitch, and as I was putting away my machine, baby C awoke from his nap. I told my mom, the Lord helped me out on that one, he knew that I need to get that blanket made! My stitches are crazy, and crooked, but it is done, and serves it's purpose.

I purchased 2 fleece blankets from Garden Ridge for $3 each. I bought 4 bags of dry pinto beans for the weight, 2 boxes of ziplock bags from Dollar Tree, and already had some velcro.

To determine how much weight you need, you take 10% of their body weight, and add 1 lb to that. That put me at 3 1/2 lbs, but since the whole blanket wouldn't be on his body, I went ahead and went with 4 lbs.

I folded one blanket in half, sewed it together, and then made lines vertical and horizontal to make squares on the blanket.
I will probably have to revise this at sometime, b/c I know he will probably learn how to get into this blanket, or the holes may stretch with washing, but I just cut slits in the squares.

I divided the beans out into bags, to evenly distribute this in the squares. This way, as he gets bigger, I can add weight, and I can also just remove the bags when I want to wash it.

Then I took the other blanket, cut it in half, and sewed it around wrong way, flipped it all rightside out, sewed a velcro closure at the top, and was done. This size was perfect for him for sleeping, but would also work good for a lapsize for an older child.

I can think of so many people I know that would benefit from a weighted blanket. If you are interested, click on the link above to read more info about them.

our train

The day we had court last week....I was really anxious. And, the kids were stir crazy, and anxious as well. Usually when I am that way, I can't concentrate on anything. Time was passing so slow though, so I decided it was a good day for a project. All the while I was homeschooling, I wanted to build a Train, out of our pioneer project book. I never had all that I needed though. I got to looking around, and realize, luckily, we had everything! Thanks to all this icky weather, our recycling has been piling up. So, we got to building.

And painting....
Everything was so quiet, and peaceful, and I really enjoyed watching the kids get along, and enjoy what they were working on. It made me begin dreaming of trying to structure our summer....so we won't all go crazy. Summer homeschool.

Ahhh....it really makes me miss homeschooling the kids. Things like this, were what I really enjoyed. I need to just be better at getting things planned to work on when they are out of school, b/c that happens so often. :)

Noah finished up painting this while I was at court, and it turned out great! I just haven't gotten a good photo of the final project yet.