Can I say, this little girl wears me out. Yes, she is beautiful, cute, sweet....when she is wanting to please people....like everyone but us. haha She wears me out. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Almost every day. I end my day many days feeling like I have fought a war, yet a lot of that war is what I am fighting inside. Beating myself up for losing my cool with her, holding myself back to keep from reacting the way I really feel b/c dealing with all these emotions of all 3 of these kids, along with life, along with her trying to push my buttons all day long....it makes me exhausted. It overwhelms me beyond words. I am so thankful to one friend that is helping me with ideas and guidance and insight, but this is hard. So hard. It is all too much to go into specifics, but I just had to get it off my chest. In trying to maintain control over her...to show her that I am in control, b/c that is what she needs right now, is making me feel out of control.
To top that off, I am heartbroken to hear yesterday that my friend's foster daughter that she has had almost a year and a half was given custody to her bio grandmother. It wasn't what was recommended or expected, and she is heartbroken, and I am too. I loved that little girl too, and there is a special bond between us foster moms, it is like the heaviness on our hearts extends to each other's children too. I tell you, this road is not easy.
We'll be hear to listen anytime you need to talk...
ReplyDeleteit's the hardest thing i've ever done.
ReplyDeleteand i don't think anyone short of living with a child with disorganized attachment patterns can look at those smiling, cute faces in photos and understand what life can be like. i look back at some of charity's pictures when she first came, and i think, "oh, how sick she was." though she's smiling and looks so completely happy and normal to everyone but me and t.
book and dvds are on the way! i'll get them in the mail TODAY!
I'm here if you need to vent; Just call me!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, you are doing an awesome job with her. Vent all you need though.
ReplyDeleteI found you! Hang in there, He won't give you more than you can handle. That's something I need to learn as well.
ReplyDelete