I have so much I want to talk about. I have been heavy hearted lately, and haven't had any time to blog. If I could blog whenever I need to, I would have so much to say. As it is, now that I have a second to sit down and type, I can't think of what all I want to say.
Amber and Hunter's court is next Tuesday, the 21st, and there is a good possibility that they will go live with grandparents. It may could even happen the day of court...the family is hoping that, but the case worker said you just never know what the judge will say. I am trying to prepare myself for that. I have known all along this may happen, but now that the time is quickly approaching, I am heavy with worry and sadness. Hunter has made progress by leaps and bounds, and I want to see how much further he can go. I have really bonded with him the last few weeks, he now will reach for me, and let me comfort him. He will "sing" with me while I rock him, it is so cute.
I met their mother and grandparents this last week. They were all very nice to me, and their mother, when she handed Hunter over to me to take him home, said, "Thank you very much....for everything." Wow. It was so nice to hear that from her. It was so weird, as we talked, it was like I was just talking to one of my friends about our kids....only it was the kids that we share. And I wanted to like her, I really did, her whole family was so nice to me. In the back of my head though, I was pictureing the way Hunter was when we got him, and how he is now. But you know, I think maybe, she may really not know how seriously bad what she was doing was affecting him. She told me his floppyness...Amber was the same way. I am thinking that she just doesn't know. She just doesn't know the things you do to help your child develop. I hope she learns. I am afraid though, with the crappy system....any help, education, training she may recieve will just be a joke, and won't teach her the things she really needs to know to care for her kids.
Part of me hates the fact that with her parents getting the kids, she will get to be around them all the time. I shouldn't feel that way....she is their mother, and they love her, I can tell. I hope and pray that the grandparents know what they are doing, and by bonding with their grandchildren with them living with them, they will be willing to help her out once she has them back with her.
I have typed this post in 3 different sittings, and I don't know if it even makes sense. I have so much more I want to say. My brain hurts, and my heart is burdened by all the thoughts I have about this. Hopefully I can type more later. I took some photos of them together tonight that are so cute of them, it just makes me cry when I look at them. I know that Amber and Hunter's family have been very supportive....the extended family even showing up for visits everytime, and they all love them, and interacted well with them whenever I was in there.
I'm gonna miss them. I just keep thinking, though, there may be another one come along soon that needs us more.
I know it is hard, but you just have to trust the good Lord in doing what's best for the babies/kids. All you can do, is do the best you can with them in the time you have with them. You are doing such a good job and I know you will continue to do so with each and every child that comes into your home! You gotta remember that you can't keep em all! Sometimes you'll want too, but like you said in your post...there might be another child that needs you more for the time being! Take care and I'll continue to pray for ya!
ReplyDeleteIt must be so very difficult to watch this and feel helpless in the process. The system does stink, but God is bigger than the system. Your prayers for these children will not go unanswered! Praying for you and them and that God's best for these kids will happen. It's so good to hear that the family seems to really love them despite the poor care they received.
ReplyDeletewow. that would be hard. is she off the drugs now or should i say not in that environment (cooking) anymore? that could have done damage to both of them kiddos for forever. you know how you watch csi and even after someone has been arrested for cooking meth, they have to wear these protective suits and stuff going in b/c the fumes are in that house for a very very long time. oh my.
ReplyDeleteI really should have not made that reference to "cooking" the drugs....it just makes me so furious. I am not sure how much legal trouble the mom is in, but she is out of that environment. She is away from the hubby and family, and is living with her grandmother for now. I think she is trying hard to do right for her kids, I just hope and pray it lasts. And, it will still be awhile before she gets her kids back, but I just know she will be around them all the time if the kids are living with her parents....and how strictly is that really monitored??
ReplyDeleteWOW! And when they leave you you will CONSTANTLY wonder what is going on.
ReplyDeleteMaury.. my heart is breaking for you and for the children. I simply cannot imagine caring for a child for so long, only to have to hand them back to the parent that screwed up so horribly in the first place. It is so hard to have compassion and 'trust' in someone once they really mess up with the most precious gift God hands down.
ReplyDeleteI'm not helpful, I suppose. lol I feel furious with you, and I'm as far from the situation as anyone could be.
All I can do is pray. I am praying... and thinking of you all so much.