Just a slippin and a slidin

Why is it??

Whenever I am on the computer, the phone, working, doing housework....the kids all whine at me wanting attention, making me feel bad for not giving it to them, but when I go in there to pay attention to them, they are either buried into the t.v., scatter to play in their rooms, or whining about anything I suggest for us to do together, but the minute I am back busy, they are wanting attention again???

Indecisive

Are you indecisive?? I am SO much that way. About everything. Even just where I want to eat, or where we want to go, or IF I want to go do something. I will spend the entire day that I have to go do something going back and forth about whether I really want to do it or not. Truly, I am surprise that Clay is so patient with me, b/c I am horrible. Probably b/c he is just about as bad as I am.

Do I homeschool or put the kids in public school next year. That is something that I question ALL the time. I will go back and forth in my head and with Clay about 5 times a day....everyday. I wish so much I had the confidence to make a decision about that firmly so that I don't have this mental turmoil everyday. I think the kids have done well being homeschooled, we enjoy our schedule and lifestyle, but I also think of a lot of positives of them being in school....and negatives, and the same about homeschooling. And Clay is of no help. When I get overwhelmed he says...just put them in school next year. And then he will say...no, I really don't want them in school. And then he will say...well...it is your decision, whatever you want to do. I need someone to make a decision for me b/c I just weigh the pros and cons over and over again in my head. It drives me crazy!

Where to live. That is a MAJOR flip flop. We talk about it constantly. We have now lived here a year, and our lease is up on our house. So we could do whatever we wanted to. We work from home, so we could live anywhere we wanted to. We LOVE our house, but it is VERY expensive rent, and we are sick of paying it. So....IF we moved, would we moved to a cheaper smaller house in Maumelle....(but don't really want to do that since our family size is about to increase) Move to a house equal in size, but not as expensive of an area...still in LR. But if we did that....which area has schools we like....IF we decide to put them in school. Then there is the issue of our foster care. If we moved anywhere that wasn't Pulaski County...(such as Hensley or Redfield, or even farther south...like Back home) then we would have to switch counties, so we would want to do that before our homestudy...so we would need to make that decision soon. We like Maumelle, but haven't really made any ties here, and go to a church that is so large, we have no support group there, and aren't really happy with our decision on that.....(which could lead to an entire other paragraph just on church!).

Many times we think it would be so much easier for all of us if we just moved back to Monticello. We have family and friends there that we KNOW would be there for us. We would have a support system, which I know we need taking on foster kids. Our kids could go to school where we grew up, and we would know a lot of people. Or, if I continued to homeschool, I actually know people in Monticello that do that, and I could be involved with the homeschool group there. Our kids would love it...they miss their grandparents all the time, and if I got overwhelmed, I know my mom and mother in law would help us out.

But that leads to a couple of more decisions we can't seem to make. Where to live....we really aren't in the position to buy a house right now....but if we moved to Monticello and found somewhere to rent, it would be so much cheaper than what we are paying here, we might could save some money. But...finding a place to rent that possibly 7 plus people could fit in is hard. I look at the classifieds online for Monticello everyweek, but haven't found anything yet. And, again, if we did this, we would need to make the decision soon before have our homestudy.

And, my aunt wants us to move to Lousiana and live on my grandmother's property. Which is beautiful, and we would like to do, but we would truly be alone there, and as much as I would like to be able to help my grandmother, I just don't think I can move where I would have to totally start over meeting people and getting to know things. I have learned, since moving to LR, I am very slow at getting adjusted and making friends...b/c I am a lot shyer and antisocial that I ever knew I was.

And one more is a job. We have been seriously looking at a career change...but there are so many decisions involved in that. And, moving back to Monticello, I know we would be more limited in Clay finding a job, but I might could find one easier b/c most social work jobs down there don't require a master's or a license. But, I don't want to get a job anyway, b/c taking care of our new children will be my job. But, if I had to get a job, I would rather do it there, so I wouldn't have to drive 30 mins in LR to get to work everyday, and be nowhere near the school. And, living down there, we don't have to make as much income to live as we do up there....but the jobs to find for Clay are limited. Or, we could just keep being photographers and driving to LR like we did before we moved, but we are just so ready for something steady and reliable with benefits.

O.K. WHEH! So, this is what all runs through our head...EVERYDAY. I know it would be so much easier to just stay put, and keep on the way we are for now. And that is probaby what we will do...b/c all the rest is too overwhelming to make a decision....but again, we are tired of this high rent, but also don't want to move. And, I really want me a support system here. Which, I do have a few friends up this way, but not like I would have back home. So, are you indecisive?? How do you make decisions and stick to them?? Is your head spinning now from reading all our craziness??

Pulaski County Heart Gallery

**And, I forgot to add, in November, they are having an adoption day where the judge will just finalize adoptions all day, and then the next week, they are having a big event for the Heart Gallery and are presenting all the kids that have been adopted and their families the photos that were in the heart gallery. I can't WAIT!

I just had a good question asked...and I have been sorta vague in the past, so maybe I haven't explained myself well. What do I do with the photos for DHS? I take photos of all of the children in Pulaski County whose parental rights have been terminated, meaning they are eligiable for adoption now. Once I take the photos, Bedford Camera and Video so graciously print for FREE an 11x 14 of every photo. Then, they are framed and added to the collection of photos for the Heart Gallery. The Heart Gallery is all of the waiting children in Pulaski County. There are about 70 photos in this gallery that rotates around Pulaski County. Each week, a very wonderful lady, her father, and a few friends move this gallery to a new location. It is mostly churches. They usually show the video for the CALL and pass around info about adoption and foster care, and all of these photos are on display in their church to see. Also, DHS has an adoption link on their site....(it isn't very well maintained, but they are getting better) and it has photos of all the kids in the state of Arkansas, and the photos I take also go on there if they ever get around to updating it.

And, currently Pulaski County is working on a website that will have all these photos on there, along with information about how to find out more about them, and how to become a foster parent. Clay was actually building the website for them, but they wanted some things on there that we didn't know how to do, so they decided to get someone else to build the website. So, as soon as they get that up and running, I will be post that site on there. That will hopefully be kept up to date.

And, if you were watching KATV Channel 7 news last week, they interviewed Mary Carol Pederson, director of the CALL. They were having a prayer vigil and they prayed individually for each child in the Heart Gallery. There was a very short segment about it on the news, and they showed a shot of some of the pictures on display, and some that I had taken were on there, so my work was on t.v.! Ha ha

And I am not the only photographer that has taken these pictures. There have been several photographers working with it in the past. I have done all of the recent ones b/c someone seemed to have gotten it in their head that I am their personal photographer now! LOL No, I really don't mind. I have such flexible work hours during the week, I think they just get me b/c I will do pretty much whatever they ask, and I will devote an entire day to doing them. (b/c I don't know how to say No....) Plus, I think it is just easier for them to do it this way than to call a lot of different photogs and making individual appointments for the kids.

A Few from yesterday

Here is a few from yesterday. Thanks for all the sweet comments on my previous post. I don't mean to sound so down in the dumps....I just get so sad for them. And, it didn't help that a lot of the kids I met yesterday were 5 and 6 yrs old, so I was immediately thinking of my own kids. And then, even sadder for the ones older than that imagining how many more years of heartache they have had to endure. And please don't think I am always on my soapbox these days. I just want to get the awareness out, b/c you never know who might tell someone else that had thought about fostering/adopting, and just didn't know where to begin, or was scared of it.

Heavy Heart

Today I had another photo shoot for DHS. Today was no different in the emotions that I went through while doing it. I leave there with such a heavy heart each time, my heart aching for each of these kids. Their faces, and personalities flashing through my mind over and over again. All these faces, with their beautiful smiles....they don't have parents to go home to. Out of all the sibling groups I photographed today, I think only 1 of them was living in a home together right now.

I truly lost it as I saw one boy get out of a vehicle and take off running with his arms outstretched running to his brother...and these kids were 8 and 12...ones you would think would normally be "too cool" for that. And then I watched how they lovingly hugged on and encourage their 5 yr old sister that has downs syndrome, helping for the photo, and then how they played together so happily. And then, when it was time for the sister to leave, the 8 yr old looked crushed, and said, "no, please, not yet", and then the 12 yr old had to carry his sister to the car screaming.....Horrible. They are all 3 placed in different homes.

And then, one girl...also a sibling group of 3 placed in 3 different homes. Her arms had bad burn scars up both arms. I just wonder what that poor girl has been through. And another, I noticed old, deep scars on her head, arms and chest....not the typical scars just from playing.

Each and everytime I go take these pictures, and I see all these kids, I am truly worth nothing when I get home. I just walk around in a daze b/c I cannot get them off my mind. I have not done one single productive thing since getting home today...everytime I get up from my recliner, I walk in here to look at the pictures.

Just today, I met 27 children that do not have parents.

Little Buddy Swimmer

That is the offical name of our little Beta. The kids were super excited about the new fish. Rachel asked me a million times when we were going to leave my grandma's so that we could get home to see their new fish. She was afraid it would be dead b/c we wouldn't be home to feed it!

This one was by accident....I tried to do it again where her eye was big and the fish was in focus, but it didn't happen. I never could get her in just the right spot to make her eye look big again.

They are emerging...

When we left this morning to get the kids, there had been no change in our chrysalis. By the time we got home....one had begun emerging. The kids were worried about it today. They were afraid they had missed it being gone.

These are very hard to photograph now that they are in their home. That netting....I can't take a picture through it. So, I unzipped the little door, then pushed down on the net with one hand(the paper they are hanging from is pinned to the netting), while holding my heavy good camera with the other hand...one handed holding/pressing the button at the same time....then the butterfly started wiggling, so I zipped it back up quick. Then I ran to the computer to load it, and Clay walked in and I said, "I am just loading this pic to see if I need to retake it." And he just told me, "Yep, you do, it's blurry!" Well, Thanks ALOT, b/c I was proud it turned out this well after all I went through to get this picture! In the first picture, you can see the body of the butterfly, it is kinda hairy, and then the wings that are still folded up.

Quiz.....Do Butterflies Fly immediately after emerging. Quiz 2, am I spelling emerging correctly?? LOL

We've got a new pet!

Besides the fact that we will have 5 new butterflies in just a couple of more days, we now have a pet fish! The kids are still at their grandma's, we go get them in the morning so they don't know yet. At our wedding yesterday, part of the table decorations were fish bowls with Beta fish in them. They had a table set up where you could "adopt" a fish. Two of the bride's cousins were sitting at the table, in charge of the adoptions. They were so sweet, and I found out after talking to them, they are homeschooled, and it was nice to talk to teenage boys that have been homeschooled and get their perspective. They were really nice, and they talked me into adopting one of the fish....so the kids will be excited when they get home! We had a 30 gallon fish tank the whole time we lived in Warren that we sold when we moved, and they have mentioned from time to time that they miss them. I will have pictures soon, I am sure! And, the mom sent home 3 little favor pails for our kids that had some goodies in it. That was so sweet of her! And this has been my high maintenance bride, I feel bad for dreading it now! We are taking the pails along to the kids tomorrow for treats on the road to my g-ma's. They will really think they got something cool!

It doesn't take much to entertain us!!

I caught Leah taking this pic of herself the other night...so I plopped myself down in the chair with her, and we just had a good ol time. Clay kept looking at us smiling, b/c we were just being so goofy and laughing at ourselves while we were taking these. We were both just thinking up stuff we could do at the same time, taking the picture of ourselves, and then just laughing at what it looked like on the screen.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!!

I hope you have a great holiday weekend! We are off for a big wedding today, and then to my grandmother's on Monday when we go down to pick up the kids. They are down in Monticello having a blast with their grandparents while we have to work.

my Aunt's house

My aunt is a folklorist. Definition....Folklore is the body of expressive culture, including tales, music, dance, legends, oral history, proverbs, jokes, popular beliefs, customs, and so forth within a particular population comprising the traditions (including oral traditions) of that culture, subculture, or group. Got all that?? She is a teacher at Louisiana Tech University, and she also does all kind of work in here area with artists. Her house has a little bit of everything that she has picked up along the years from the people she has worked with. Some really cool stuff. On our way back from our vacation, we stopped off and spent the night with her. We usually go to my grandmother's house, so my kids hadn't been there since they were little and not allowed to touch anything. They were so fascinated by all her stuff!

These wooden toys are replicas of homemade toys that kids used to have. The one above that Noah is holding, she also had one like that one that my grandfather had made for her and my mom when they were little.
This chair is an antique that someone gave to my aunt. Leah loved the childsized rocking chair!

Are all those kids yours?!?!

The kids and I went down to the Farmer's Market in downtown LR yesterday, and I cannot tell you how many time someone asked us that question! And, I guess we were a sight with a double stroller and 7 kids....all age 6 and under. One man asked me if we ran a daycare...and I said...well...it is kinda like that! The kids were all very well behaved and we were proud of them! We had a lot of fun, and she and I both agreed that we are going to have to do it more often b/c the food was a hit with the kids and us.

There was a thing set up outside the Museum of Discovery to demonstrate how they had to crawl close to the floor in a fire.

at the Farmer's Market
We got all the kids rings for a $1

Yep, my strong Leah can carry that bag better than her brother!
Yep....that's a lot of kids!

Hmmm not too sure of that strawberry!
So sweet....Leah held her hand on the way back to the car
I love this picture! Everyone is looking in a different direction...but it is almost like it is planned! LOL
And here we are shelling our purple hull peas that we got from the Market. They were SO YUMMY!