Indecisive

Are you indecisive?? I am SO much that way. About everything. Even just where I want to eat, or where we want to go, or IF I want to go do something. I will spend the entire day that I have to go do something going back and forth about whether I really want to do it or not. Truly, I am surprise that Clay is so patient with me, b/c I am horrible. Probably b/c he is just about as bad as I am.

Do I homeschool or put the kids in public school next year. That is something that I question ALL the time. I will go back and forth in my head and with Clay about 5 times a day....everyday. I wish so much I had the confidence to make a decision about that firmly so that I don't have this mental turmoil everyday. I think the kids have done well being homeschooled, we enjoy our schedule and lifestyle, but I also think of a lot of positives of them being in school....and negatives, and the same about homeschooling. And Clay is of no help. When I get overwhelmed he says...just put them in school next year. And then he will say...no, I really don't want them in school. And then he will say...well...it is your decision, whatever you want to do. I need someone to make a decision for me b/c I just weigh the pros and cons over and over again in my head. It drives me crazy!

Where to live. That is a MAJOR flip flop. We talk about it constantly. We have now lived here a year, and our lease is up on our house. So we could do whatever we wanted to. We work from home, so we could live anywhere we wanted to. We LOVE our house, but it is VERY expensive rent, and we are sick of paying it. So....IF we moved, would we moved to a cheaper smaller house in Maumelle....(but don't really want to do that since our family size is about to increase) Move to a house equal in size, but not as expensive of an area...still in LR. But if we did that....which area has schools we like....IF we decide to put them in school. Then there is the issue of our foster care. If we moved anywhere that wasn't Pulaski County...(such as Hensley or Redfield, or even farther south...like Back home) then we would have to switch counties, so we would want to do that before our homestudy...so we would need to make that decision soon. We like Maumelle, but haven't really made any ties here, and go to a church that is so large, we have no support group there, and aren't really happy with our decision on that.....(which could lead to an entire other paragraph just on church!).

Many times we think it would be so much easier for all of us if we just moved back to Monticello. We have family and friends there that we KNOW would be there for us. We would have a support system, which I know we need taking on foster kids. Our kids could go to school where we grew up, and we would know a lot of people. Or, if I continued to homeschool, I actually know people in Monticello that do that, and I could be involved with the homeschool group there. Our kids would love it...they miss their grandparents all the time, and if I got overwhelmed, I know my mom and mother in law would help us out.

But that leads to a couple of more decisions we can't seem to make. Where to live....we really aren't in the position to buy a house right now....but if we moved to Monticello and found somewhere to rent, it would be so much cheaper than what we are paying here, we might could save some money. But...finding a place to rent that possibly 7 plus people could fit in is hard. I look at the classifieds online for Monticello everyweek, but haven't found anything yet. And, again, if we did this, we would need to make the decision soon before have our homestudy.

And, my aunt wants us to move to Lousiana and live on my grandmother's property. Which is beautiful, and we would like to do, but we would truly be alone there, and as much as I would like to be able to help my grandmother, I just don't think I can move where I would have to totally start over meeting people and getting to know things. I have learned, since moving to LR, I am very slow at getting adjusted and making friends...b/c I am a lot shyer and antisocial that I ever knew I was.

And one more is a job. We have been seriously looking at a career change...but there are so many decisions involved in that. And, moving back to Monticello, I know we would be more limited in Clay finding a job, but I might could find one easier b/c most social work jobs down there don't require a master's or a license. But, I don't want to get a job anyway, b/c taking care of our new children will be my job. But, if I had to get a job, I would rather do it there, so I wouldn't have to drive 30 mins in LR to get to work everyday, and be nowhere near the school. And, living down there, we don't have to make as much income to live as we do up there....but the jobs to find for Clay are limited. Or, we could just keep being photographers and driving to LR like we did before we moved, but we are just so ready for something steady and reliable with benefits.

O.K. WHEH! So, this is what all runs through our head...EVERYDAY. I know it would be so much easier to just stay put, and keep on the way we are for now. And that is probaby what we will do...b/c all the rest is too overwhelming to make a decision....but again, we are tired of this high rent, but also don't want to move. And, I really want me a support system here. Which, I do have a few friends up this way, but not like I would have back home. So, are you indecisive?? How do you make decisions and stick to them?? Is your head spinning now from reading all our craziness??